Archive for March, 2006

Mar 13 2006

Joy

Published by under challenge,random

While they also bring a lot of frustration that makes one want to engage in screaming, hair-pulling and let’s not forget vodka swilling, I can’t think of anything else that can just bring a smile to my face no matter the crappiest mood I’m in. I had this post written for some time, but wanted to get a current family picture to round off the batch.. we didn’t get to it, however. Maybe next week.
My family brings me joy:

Ethan and Jocelyn

(the polyester orange dress with cute white eyelet cotton apron was MINE when I was a baby.)

baby ethan

One response so far

Mar 13 2006

Word Challenge: PLAY

Published by under amy's head,challenge

Betcha think I’ll post kid pics.

NOPE! What, I cant play around? Click to see the (very short) set of me, playing with the camera, which was propped up on the top of the fridge with the timer function on.


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Mar 13 2006

Word Challenge: Stillness

Published by under amy's head,challenge,gardening

I think that “work” would have also been a good word for this, but I HAD to use the laminate flooring as work, so this seemed the next best fit.

I love spring. The obvious reasons, of course. The cold ebbing and the sun warming everything up and the days getting a bit longer, and it not being so hot that you could cook eggs on the sidewalk yet. The little pale green points poking up out of the ground, and the trees showing new buds. Everything is still, but it’s a pregnant stillness, of activity to come. Neighbors starting to sit outside on their decks, the smell of grills getting fired up and the guy down the street with the BEEYOOTIFUL yard beat everyone to the punch and turned on his hose bibs, laid some mulch and watered his lawn.

Anyway. Stillness:

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Mar 12 2006

Word Challenge: Work

Published by under challenge,house

Laying the laminate floor in the basement was work – the good kind, where you feel so accomplished and glowing when you’re done. You look at it and think, “I DID THAT!” Well, I did, James did, Chris did, Kurt did, and Ann did. Thanks guys 🙂

Click to see the set, and sorry about the dimmness of some of them. I suck 🙁

laminate flooring laid

2 responses so far

Mar 11 2006

obviously, i’m going to be LATE.

Published by under amy's head,challenge,daily

Hi there.

That word challenge thing? The deadline is today.

So … how many have I done?

mm…. 2? maybe 3?

Yeah. I’m going to be late. Oh well, I’ll be out of the running for the tin dog biscuit holders or whatever, but oh well.

I was all into making a post today, in fact, I didn’t clean up post party because I was all settling in to write stuff, but then got distracted with the camera and pictures, and downloading said pictures, and then naptime was OVER and well, maybe tomorrow I’ll post all the pictures and commentary.

It was a lovely day, with lovely warm weather, and oh i feel so lovely! And no, its not the lovely lemondrop martini from williams-sonoma talking, it was ever so loverly! i WANT to tell you all about it but I need to drop dead asleep first. I’ll tell you tomorrow. I’ll just say that a nice time was had by all, including Jocelyn the birthday girl. Funniest moment, Jocelyn seeing her daycare lady in our house. She stood staring, trying to figure out what was going on for a full half minute. I can only imagine it must have been like seeing your 5th grade teacher at the grocery store. Buying tampons or something. Just hard to actually imagine that they are ACTUAL REAL LIVE PEOPLE AND NOT CYBORGS THAT CEASE TO EXIST AFTER YOU LEAVE THEIR PRESENCE.

Sorry. that was a lot of capitals. err, capitols. i’m a wee bit drunk at the moment i highly recommend it. however, i don’t recommend talking to your colleagues via instant messanger while tipsy, because i suspect i am going to be somewhat frantic at looking up my message history after i realize what i’ve done tomorrow morning.

anyway. good niiiiiiiiight never never land!

ps – oh i cna’t wait to tell you all about this weekend, including the party and the gardening ie: the sowing of seeds and the SPRINGTIME that is waiting to be SPRUNG! tomorrow! if it kills me! tomorrow!

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Mar 10 2006

blaaaaaaah dee blah blah.

Published by under amy's head,daily,kids

it’s late, and i’m tired, and you know what that means? a rambling, mopey depressed amy.

but talking (typing?) it out always helps. get the poison out of the system. yammer and yammer until i purge my brain of it and then i can move on to other things.

like sleep!

….

well, that didn’t work. the typing it out bit, i mean. trying to put words to the mopeyness just didn’t seem to happen. i think it means i’m just tired, and need to go to bed.

tomorrow is my baby’s birthday. She will be 2 years old. I still think putting them both in the freezer at night or maybe tupperware will work – can’t we just keep them babies for a little while longer? It is strange how when I look at baby pictures of Ethan, I can barely remember how it all was w/out overlaying the sweet little man he is now over the top of it.

And yet when I look at Jocelyn and think about how she is growing and soon even more of her personality will emerge, it’s hard to imagine how and what that will be like. And yet a year from now, I’ll look back at the cute things she does now, and see how it all started, how it all was just the little flower buds that I could just barely see the color of what was to come.

it’s late and i’m making weird analogies, you’ll have to forgive me. She has been doing a lot better lately with the tantrums and the screaming of, “MINE!” and “NO!” Often, she will holler once or twice, and then stop herself, and say “PEEEEASE!!” even though we’ll have no idea what exactly she is requesting.

She also has been saying a phrase that we can’t quite make out. She says it ALL the time, and it could be anything. Here are our guesses:

  • “assignment!”
  • “excitement!”
  • “It’s Simon!”
  • “eh’s find it!”
    or more likely,
  • “Let’s find it!!”

Other things she says often, and with conviction:

  • THERE it is!
  • I found it!
  • MINE!
  • NO!
  • Turn, pease! (as in, she wants a turn)
  • 1, 2, THREE!!! (especially when you start)
  • “PEEEEE!”, “GEE!!!” “ZEEE!!” (said at the appropriate pauses in teh alphabet song.
  • VROOM VROOM!
  • It’s flying!
  • Hi! (Enter name of family member here)! Hi!

She also has a fit whenever one wishes to lay her on her back to change her diaper. I’ve found the best way to avoid the hammering kicking legs is to ask her where various body parts are. This also works for kisses. Lately, she doesnt’ want to part with any kisses, or be kissed. “Can I have a kiss?” is always met with running away while shouting, “NO!” So then I say, “Where is my nose?” and she runs over to poke me in the nose with her outstretched finger, and declares, “NOSE! MOMMY’S NOSE!” Then I ask if I can have a kiss on the nose, and she will lean in and her soft lips will squash my nose flat (I have a squishy nose with hardly any cartilidge) with a loud, “MMMMMWAH!!!!” and then she may bear to have me return the “mmmwah” in kind.

One thing we are going to have to remedy soon, even though I swore it would be YEARS before we did this, because Ethan’s was so disastrous, is get her a big girl bed. We moved Ethan out of the crib at about 19-20 months, and he did ok at nighttime, but he just stopped napping during the day pretty much completely. He would just get up and play in his room instead, and sometimes fall asleep in the closet. We transitioned him at that age because Jocelyn was going to be arriving and we didn’t want him to feel as if she was taking over “his” crib, so the idea was to get him a bed, hide the crib for the next 3 months, so that when it was needed, he wouldn’t feel like it was his anymore.

Jocelyn is already older than he was, but I still feel like we could hold off a while longer. She could probably climb out if she wanted to, but she hasn’t ever tried, except sometimes she puts her foot up when she wants to get IN. However, this girl is so enamored of beds. She climbs right in them, pulls up the covers, tilts her head to the side and shuts her eyes – not squishing them shut like you’d think a kid would do, but just closes them shut normally, and then says, “Sleeping mommy!” She loves Ethan’s bed so much, I know when she gets her own bed, she will be in HEAVEN. So, even though I swore we’d wait until she was 2.5 years old, we have been looking at beds with a little more than just the window shopping eye. I would like to get her a nice bed that she can use a long time. Toddler beds never really appealed to me because they are used for such a short time, though a full size bed can be quite overwhelming for a toddler. Ethan’s bed came from Ikea and was expandable, though we put a twin mattress in it right away. We have thought of getting HIM a new bed, and giving his old one to Jocelyn, but we’re not sure what we’re going to do yet. A quick check of craigslist showed a number of toddler beds for $30-40 bucks, so that might be worth it, even if it isn’t used for very long.

Speaking of Ikea, we went there tonight. It was such a fiasco. Our kids go to bed at 7:30 pretty much on the nose. We head upstairs around 7 for baths and stories and jammies, and they’re in bed by 7.30 or pretty close to it. Going to Ikea on a weeknight meant that we got home at about 8:30. Ethan was asleep in the car, and Jocelyn was tickled pink about it, “Ethan SLEEPING mommy! QUIET!!! SHHHHH!”

We picked up a kid sized table and 2 chairs, as well as some new shelves to go in James new office in the basement. Next time, I think just one of us will go, or we’ll wait for the weekend. Ikea has a little children’s area where you check your kid in, they label him with a sticker with his name on it, check his shoes, give us a beeper and tell us we have 40 minutes of freedom before they’ll beep us. Except that we don’t, because we have Jocelyn, who isn’t tall enough or potty trained and therefore doesn’t meet the criteria of Ikea SmaLand. We asked Ethan if he wanted to stay with us while we shopped, or go to the play area, and warned him taht there probably wouldn’t be any other kids in there. He made sure we were talking about teh same place, “It’s where the balls are?” “Yes, the play area with the balls you can jump in,” and to my surprise, said he wanted to play in teh balls.

“The balls are going to be COAL! And then I’ll JUMP IN!”
I don’t think James heard it clearly, but I know what he was talking about right away.
“You’re going to pretend it’s the Polar Express, and you’re jumping into the coal car?”
“YEAH!”

Turns out that shortly after we checked him in, another kid got checked in. When I picked him up, the attendant said that they latched on to each other and were having a grand old time playing together.

At times like these, I think, what fun it must be to be a kid. Then I remember when I was kid. I remember how disappointing some things can be – things that are no big deal to adults, that we shrug off as unimportant, but can be devastating to kids. I’m always conscious of how many times I have to deny something to Ethan.

“Can I come in with you to get Jocelyn?”
“Can we go over the bridge?”
“Can we go by the train station?”
“But we were going to fold laundry with my loader and dumptruck!”
“Are we taking a bath tonight?”
“But I don’t want to try the meatballs..”
“Can we stay home today mommy?”

Sometimes it’s asked or stated cavalierly and I know he knows that the answer is likely to be no. Sometimes he answers my denial with a simple, “Ok.” Sometimes it’s an exhalation of frustration/disappointment, “AWWWWW.” And sometimes the request or statement is nearly on the brink of tears because the amount of control he has over his own life and actions are so limited that I know it must be frustrating as hell.

As mimi said not so long ago, “I swear, we should give every kid under four a medal for keeping their shit together even 60% of the time, because they were BABIES just moments ago and now they have to do all this BIG STUFF.

It’s so true. Just because they can walk around and talk in complete sentences and have a fairly good grasp of the day to day events, there is so much they’re still trying to gather information on and assimilate into some semblence of understandability (it’s late. shoot me.) and then having their choices controlled and monitored so completely.. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am not about to just let Ethan do or have whatever he wants, and I’m not talking about that sort of “control”. When I told him he had to have one taste of the meatballs the other night, tears actually welled up in his eyes, and not because he was going to have a tantrum, but because he just really had a hard day and was hungry and just plain didn’t want to have any meatballs.. and so sometimes I bend the “you must try it once” rules, and let him have 2 bites of noodles instead of 1 of noodle and 1 of meatball in order to get the bowl of yoghurt.

Oh my god have I rambled. I think you’ll all probably be happy when I go back to not updating for a bajillion years.

And with that, I think I’d better go to bed already. Don’t you?

-amy will try not to lay awake and be mopey.

One response so far

Mar 08 2006

hi there internet

Published by under amy's head

i have missed you. really, i have.

i haven’t been avoiding you. REALLY! i GOT your calls, honest! i have just been so busy. SO FREAKIN BUSY! in fact, i shouldn’t be writing this right now. i should be doing work. that’s right, work. work has decided to stomp a multitude of crises down with a loud, “SHUT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MOUTH AND DO ME!” and so, do work, i do. and have done. in fact, i have 20 overtime hours right now, since march 1st. it’s only the 8th right now, so truly, i’ve been going a little bit crazy. so don’t think i’m just running my mouth when i say i’ve been freaking busy and i didn’t mean to not update! because do you think i LIKE not updating? HELL NO! do you think i LIKE having all these random thoughts spinning around in my head and popping out at 11:30 at night when I should be sleeping but instead keeping james awake with the mind-vomit that happens when i don’t purge the randomness out of my brain by updating? NO! NO, I DON’T! So just cut your freakin attitude and give me some slack, yo, before i pop you one!

Ahem.

did i say i love you?

i love you. please forgive my random threats. i don’t mean it. it’s just the business and mind vomit talking. (except for you. you just watch it, because i’ve got my eye on you.)

very quickly: jocelyn turns 2 on friday. she has a birthday party on saturday where i’m really not sure how many kids are coming. are they all just like me and never get around to rsvp-ing? or are they not coming? who knows? our house is a wreck of mail and clean laundry (it’s easy to toss laundry in and rotate. not time consuming at all. but putting it away? Ethan comes to our room to dig in the laundry basket instead of looking in his closet. no mother of the year award for me.) and then looming on the horizon is a Mother Visit. It is still a good ways off in April, but lord knows time is freaking flying by and before I know it, it’s goign to be here, and there are a lot of house things I would like to do by then. like organize. and pitch junk. and … paint and lay flooring. you know. little piddly things like that.

project skinny: i haven’t updated on this for a while, because frankly, i feel like it is on hold. i have stopped taking the drugs because i already feel like i’m on an express train and the drugs make me feel like i’m on a helicoptor about to hop into a sports car to get to the JET PLANE to CATCH the express train that will SLAM into a wall and cause me to sleep for an inordinate number of hours on the weekend, and you know? I HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THAT WITHOUT THE HELP OF ANY SUBSTANCES THANKYOUVERYMUCH. We’re getting my bike in a few weeks, and then I will have to revisit Project Skinny and Make A Plan that includes Exercise.

ok, sorry to be abrupt, but there’s this express train, you see, and just because i hopped off for 5 minutes doesn’t mean I don’t need to be on it.

– amy needs her pookie bear

PS: THANK YOU TO GREG AND ANNA🙂 For sending me my favorite herbal tea that you can’t find in grocery stores. The first box is already half gone 🙂 Y’all are awesome. I think I have package in the mail karma now. Because of this (very bottom). So Anna and Greg, now you’ve got the karma too! Good things will come!! IN THE MAIL!

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Mar 03 2006

I love Project Runway

Published by under amy's head,likes & irks,random

“LIGHTEN UP IT’S JUST FAAAAAAAAASHION!”

And let’s not forget the Santino Tim impressions.

“Up until now, you’ve all fucking sucked.”

“What happened to Andre?”

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Mar 02 2006

Driving in circles…

Published by under daily,likes & irks,random

Yesterday when I arrived at the door of Subway to grab a (only 7 pts!) 6″ turkey on wheat piled with veggies, I was aghast to see a “CLOSED – WATCH FOR OUR NEW LOOK!” sign in the window. Further inspection found that the inside had been completely gutted. Looks like Subway for lunch is out for a while.

James used to work in this area, and when I first had my interview here, the first thing he said was how he had a little place he used to stop and get breakfast (a egg, ham & cheese sandwich), and “it was soooooo goood.” Well, I thought, why not, I’ll find out from James where it is, and go check it out.

I called him up, and due to the lack of speakerphone and the lack of an automatic in my truck, had some trouble just talking to him while trying to steer and shift all at the same time (this girls needs some bluetooth headphone LOVE) as he tried to recall street names. He was also sitting down to lunch with a couple of other friends who also worked at the same place that James worked. So I heard them start to pipe in, “Yeah, that one road in between Lee highway and 66..” I heard Kurt say.

“Treetop.” I said into the phone, and turned that direction, heading back towards my office.

“Yeah, there’s an office building kind of on that corner, but a little further down, and the place is in the loggy of th–”

“He’s talking about Cafe Speedy?” I asked James in disbelief.

James: “Yeah, Cafe Speedy, that was the place. Man I loved that place.”

Me, Staring AT MY OWN OFFICE BUILDING: “James, Cafe Speedy is in the lobby of THE BUILDING WHERE I WORK.”

Dorks drove me around back to my own office building. I nearly dislocated my shouder talking and turning and shifting all at once. James has even been to my office before, and never clued in that the cafe he used to eat at was at the same place.

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Mar 01 2006

Word Challenge: Sorrow

Published by under amy's head,challenge,kids

Read about the Word Challenge.

I talk all big about being happy going to work, but there is a part of me that just kills when I don’t get to see my kids for hours every day. We get home around 5:30-6pm each day, and we head up for bed between 7-7:15, so you can see that that doesn’t leave a lot of time, especially since you have fix and eat dinner in there also.

Ethan started full time preschool when his school started back in September. I had decided to go back to work and was desparately flailing around for a job in time for Ethan to start full time, rather than part time 3x a week. I knew that it would be better if he started school the way it was going to be all the time, rather than switched from part-time to full-time later. I was lucky and got a temporary gig for a web manager who was going on maternity leave. I got an offer from my current position not long after that, so on the first day of school, Ethan went back full time, and Jocelyn started full time at her home daycare.

I kind of wondered when or if Ethan would ever ask to quit going to school and stay home with me, like we used to. He has said on occasion, “Let’s stay home!” to which I would just say matter of factly, “But you/I have school/work tomorrow!” and it would evolve into a discussion on what I do at work, etc.

Yesterday was another of those days, we had picked up Jocelyn and were almost home, when Ethan stated happily, “School is ALL OVER!” and I could feel that knot of dread and pain start to form in my stomach as I tried to reply nonchalantly, “Yes, it is, we’re all done with school for today!” A pause, and then he said, “Let’s stay home, mommy.” and then the knot was fully formed and in rotation, making my stomach a gurgle of unhappiness. I knew exactly what he was saying, but I purposefully misheard him and said, “Ok honey, when we get home, we’ll stay home.” I think the conversation progressed from there, but I changed the subject and we got home, disembarked, ran around outside like crazy for a while, and went inside to eat dinner and watch Little Einsteins and make crazy GeoTrax layouts.

I would have to say, this is the one thing in my life right now that makes me want to cry. I know I’ve said how work is good for me right now, and when I went back, it was really out of financial necessity, and I may appear to be all gung-ho, “Working mothers UNITE! Together we can CONQUER THE UNIVERSE!” but I miss my kids. When I was talking to the lady at bunko about the costs of working vs. the costs of staying home, I was so sad, even in my defensiveness.

I miss being the one to feed them their lunch, and send them to time-out for being a snot, to sit on the floor and play with their toys, to lay on my back and give them SUPER-GIRL!s and SUPER-BOY!s, to start getting Jocelyn potty trained, to tuck them in for naptimes, for kissing the boo-boos, for taking them outside all bundled up to play, to see them all day and have them drive me so crazy that I wish I was working..

I miss my kids. Not seeing them all day makes me so sad.

– amy has to stop now before she starts to cry.

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