Apr 22 2011
This is a repost from April 12, 2006. Holy crap I’ve had this website a long time. Enjoy.
It all started when someone left out a few baby carrots. I’m not going to point any finger (ETHAN!!!), but what’s done is done.
It started out benignly enough.
Do you see that? DO YOU SEE IT? A rapid, blood sucking bunny rabbit. SURE, it looks all cute now, but have you seen Monty Python’s the Holy Grail? I don’t want to RISK seeing how fast that bunny can move.
It only got worse. BEHOLD!
THEY WERE MULTIPLYING! I tried to ignore them, but that proved to be the wrong choice.
Oh. My. God. Well, there was only one thing I could do. You may want to skip the rest of this. It gets a little gory.
First…. I killed them. These rapid, carnivorous bunnies had to go. I had children in the house to think of!
Notice how Friday, our cat, on the couch doesn’t even pay attention to what I’m doing. she’s too busy checking out the book she ordered from Amazon. I knew I should have torn up that credit card offer that came for her.
I FEEL NO GUILT SO DON’T EVEN TRY IT!
But what to do next? I was a little desperate. What to do?! What to do!! I grabbed the handiest thing to staunch all the bunny blood.. plastic grass. that’s right… I stuffed them.
It’s surprisingly effective. Of course, even though the blood was staunched, I still had all these bunny corpses to dispose of. Trash? No, first place anyone would look. Paper shredder? My god, man, even I’m not that cruel! I will stuff them with plastic grass, but I won’t shred their empty husks of bodies! The humanity! THE BUNNIMITY!
I did the only thing I could do. How to get rid of eight bunny corpses??
Luckily, I had just the thing.
Put cookies in them and send them to school for my son’s class. Toddlers can handle anything. They won’t even blink. Plus, due to their inherent destructive nature, those feeble bunny corpses probably won’t last the day through. I was as good as HOME FREE.
What was that? Did you hear that?
I gotta go. I think the bunny police are after me.
- amy points out that when everyone’s after you, paranoia is just good thinking.