Which means we need to sell this house. Which means we need to get it ready, just like the little piggy, for market.

So the last two weekends have been avoiding the house like crazy while workman paint it from head to toe, and then install carpet from head to toe.

Have I ever told you how awesome new carpet is? Ours was AWFUL. And so the new carpet is doubly sweet! It’s sooo beautiful!

Also? Big empty rooms with newly laid carpet is perfect for fiddling around on the floor.

Ethan likes to just settle into a certain position that makes me cock my head to the side and say, “Whaaa?? HOW?!”

A picture is worth a thousand words, and all that, so here you go:

He does this REGULARLY. It freaks me out.

On watching this, James decided he was going to give it a try as well.

Let’s see how successful he was.

Yeah, not so much.

A for effort though!

And just LOOK at that beautiful carpet!

A week or so ago, James and I were cleaning out our guest room really thoroughly (getting this house ready to put on the market!) and the kids were also supposed to be cleaning their rooms.

We were all working pretty hard, when Ethan came in, toting a nerf gun, and announced, “When we’re done with all this work, I suggest we have the BATTLE OF OUR LIVES.”

Nerf gun battles abound at our house. We agreed that sounded like a fantastic idea.

LAST MINUTE PARENTING WINS THE DAY

Today is Dr. Suess’ birthday, and our school is honoring it with a book character dress up day. I didn’t remember until late last night, so this morning was fraught with quickly trying to come up with SOMEthing, ANYthing, for the kids to dress up with.

Jocelyn was easy — we had a pair of Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts that Ethan insisted on getting last year. Today, she went as Thing 1 (well, Thing 1, with normal hair, a pink skirt, and stripey tights.)

However, I did come up with (what I thought was) an INGENIOUS idea — I also took a marker, made a STAR on her tummy (on her skin) and said, “Now you’re a SUPER SECRET SNEETCH, with a STAR upon THARS.”

She was tickled to death!

Ethan was harder. Of course, he wanted to dress up as a Star Wars clone trooper, one of his many halloween costumes. We adamantly said NO — it’s BOOK character dress up, not MOVIE character dress up. He pointedly held up his huge stacks of Star Wars books, but we (OK it was James mostly) stuck to our (his) guns. No Star Wars. — A big reason is, we were pretty sure that wearing a clone trooper uniform all day may cause him to ACT like a clone trooper all day, and his teacher doesn’t need to deal with THAT.

All the things Ethan did NOT agree to dressing up as:

- A secret sneetch (aw MAN! can’t he see my BRILLIANCE?)
- Harry the Horrible
- Nate the Great
- Someone from the Magic School Bus books
- Ralph S. Mouse (a bicycle helmet, a little marker for whiskers, DONE)
- Captain Underpants (“COME ON MOM YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”)
- One of the kids from Captain Underpants
- The Wimpy Kid (this one would have been hard, but he does have a promotional wimpy kid tshirt kicking around somewhere)

He finally decided on Max from Where the Wild Things Are. He wore red footed jammies to school, with cars on them — despite the fact that Max’s were plain red with a hood with monsterness on it.

Oh well!

I can’t wait to hear how it all went.

WHO KNEW THE BIRDS AND THE BEES WERE SO DAMNED AMUSING

These kids have been into baby stuff for a while – hearing the story of their own birth, hearing about how they would KICK me when I was pregnant, and they just love babies in general. Babies, puppies, kitties, bears, squirrels… baby ANYTHING. Ethan is studying all about autobiographies in school right now, so not only is he interested babies, but he is doing assignments about himself – relate a story about when he was a baby, how much he weighed, where was he born, etc.

So about a month ago, I got them this book: It’s NOT the Stork! — figuring if they were so interested, we might as well give them plenty of real information on the subject, and save us the hassle of having “the talk” with them as teens or preteens. I really like this book, it’s full of good information, differences between boys and girls – inside and out, different kinds of families, how babies are made, and has also helped put to rest some myths that I’m not certain have REALLY been laid to rest in this house: the fact that babies AREN’T in the mom’s STOMACH, and (here’s a rumor that Jocelyn clung to when she was a wee toddler,) the myth that babies are POOPED OUT when they are born.

It’s a fairly large book, with a lot of info in it, and generally they’ve kind of skipped around, settling on the parts they want to read. The pages where the sperm swim to get to the egg is a favorite, due to the cartoon characters – “hey its’ this way!” “We’ve been swimming forever!” etc. but the part that all parents dread talking to their kids about, has not really been hit on much with my kids with all their flipping through this book.

Until last night.

Ethan is our non-fiction guy, he loves to read about facts and science, so it’s been his favorite lately. He settled down with it and flipped to the pages with the sperm swimming to the egg pages, when he said, “But how does the sperm GET INTO the vagina?”

I just quietly flipped back a page or two where it covers this, and he started reading aloud. When he got to.. *ahem* the pertinent details, he stopped DEAD, looking totally AGHAST, turned and looked at me, while I sat there completely beet red. Then hollered to Jocelyn, who was sitting on the floor reading her own book to herself.

“JOCELYN! You have GOT TO HEAR THIS! The daddy puts his PENIS inside the mommy’s VAGINA!!”

They both thought it was the most hilarious and RIDICULOUS thing in the world.

It is kind of ridiculous when you think about it.

After the laughter and giggling died down — I told them that I’m glad they are learning so much about babies, but that it would NOT be appropriate to talk about this kind of stuff at school. They both nodded and laughed some more.

So! It’s especially interesting that Ethan’s teacher told James this story about Ethan in school yesterday!

His class were writing up their own autobiographical information, and Ethan got to a part where he was supposed to put down how much he weighed as a newborn, in a complete sentence. He raised his hand and the teacher came over, and Ethan whispered to him, “Is it OK if I write uterus?”

He had taken my warning to heart and was concerned about being inappropriate!

WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, KILN FIRED PLACENTA PLEASE!

Because I’m a masochistic sadist (i don’t know which is which term means what so I’m using both) I made a google alert for “used paragon kiln for sale”. So anytime google finds a hit for that search term, it emails me. Then I can get excited before remembering that a) we’re moving and big kiln purchases, however used and cheap they may be, are not a good idea, and b) i shouldn’t be buying a kiln anyway, remember that casting kit you got amy? the one you haven’t even used once yet? how about you try THAT out before spending over $500 bucks on a kiln, hmmmm??? See — I like to torture myself with emails about what I want to buy before I tell myself I can’t buy it.

Well, sadly, my used kiln google alert pretty much just turns up links to a lot of spam, which I delete and move on. Lately, my hopes don’t even get that temporary rise when I see the subject of the email.

It used to go like this:

subject: Google Alert – used paragon kiln for sale

amy: (oh. OH! maybe this is it! maybe there’s a kiln for sale somewhere that is priced so low, i can buy it and not feel guilty!)

-click open email-

amy: (god damn “Allen heath gl2400 service manual used paragon gl24 kiln for sale bigger dick.” F**k you.

~fini~

This time though, I was slightly amused that this bout of spam google found for me included “sacred fist,” “placenta,” as well as “used kiln” in all the jumble of words-trying-to-catch-the-google-search. Maybe the spammer bot was trying to lure some pagan native american home birthing new mommies who needed a used kiln to make their sacred fist placenta new moon life fajitas with.

THAT IS ENOUGH FROM YOU, MADAM!

And with kiln fired placenta fajitas, I shall bid you adieu.

- Amy

(LOOKIT THAT I DIDN’T SAY A WORD ABOUT JEWELRY!)

(THAT KILN SPAM STORY TOTALLY DOESN’T COUNT)

So it’s hard to actually breath that sigh of relief — knowing that in the past, right afterward usually comes the kick to the gut. But we tentatively are, and we’re making sure that Ethan knows how proud we are of all his hard work.

He is doing awesome in school. This year he has a male teacher, and Mr. A has been great. His special ed teacher is also male, and Ethan is really stepping up to take charge and be responsible for his work.

Last year we often had reports of Ethan just plain not doing work — instead he would crawl on the floor picking rocks out of people’s shoes, he would fiddle around on his chair and pick at his own fingernails (picking is huge with this boy) or just wouldn’t be able to focus on that page of work enough to get it done.

He did have an altercation on the bus the past week — dealing with some of the neighborhood boys is always fraught with peril. He does all right when it is just one or two, but our neighborhood has a LOT of young kids, and more normally it is a pack of boys running around, and when they get together they seem to gravitate to aggravating Ethan — which Ethan then gets very aggressive about, making wild threats and often resorting to violence. Which then leads to him being the first one they go to to aggravate. It’s not a fun cycle.

Overall though, we have had a fantastic start to school. Yesterday his Special Ed teacher (who works with him in his normal classroom, along with several other kids) emailed us to let us know that Ethan had another great day. I was at work, and after reading it, I actually teared up with joy. It’s nice to savor these moments, and I hope it lasts as LONG AS POSSIBLE.

Today I’m home sick with a not-acting-very-sick girl, and as she sits and watches Strawberry Shortcake, I was reading through my email and clicked a link to read an excerpt from “Buzz: A Year of Paying Attention” from Katherine Ellison, a memoir about her son’s battle with ADD. Her son Buzz was older than Ethan is now, but so many things sounded so familiar in this short excerpt that I had to leave the room, least Jocelyn look up from Strawberry to see her mom bawling with emotion.

I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me,

“Isn’t ADD/ADHD just boys being boys?”
“It’s because boys learn at a different pace then girls”
“sometimes learning disabilities are mistaken for ADD”
“young brains shouldn’t be drugged, they’re still developing!”
“so, when he’s on ADHD meds, doesn’t it make him less like himself?”
“adhd medications are a conspiracy by the medical professionals!”
“there is no such thing as ADHD, no really!”

I resisted medication our son for most of 1st grade, half believing all or at least some of the above myself. But finally, we reached our breaking point. It sounds like our breaking point whas not nearly as far as the poor author of this book and her son. There have been more times than I can count that both he and I have held on to each other and cried, just as at the end of the excerpt.

Please read this excerpt, go buy the book, try not to label the next boy you see as “a bad/mean kid”, and for GOD’S SAKE, don’t tell the parent putting their child on ADHD meds makes them a bad parent. ADHD is recognized as a actual neurological disorder, and it’s about time that myth was dispelled. ADHD medications have been in use for over 30 years and have been proven SAFE. Even for young developing minds.

We already have enough trouble convincing ourselves we’re not bad parents to hear it from you too.

I am going to be picking up this book TODAY and reading it every moment I can. In between taking Ethan to the child psychologist, and the child psychiatrist that is!

-amy

It is a worksheet he made for Jocelyn. The first part is a “matching” section, where she is supposed to look at the first shape and then circle the matching shape in the next 3 columns. The next is a simple counting question, complete with multiple choice (!!! multiple choice! oh god, it kills me!) And then he also has a blank for the answer (asr). I almost flipped when I saw this.

Next up we have some beautiful ladies drawn by Jocelyn, in fancy upturned dresses. I asked her if they were doing the splits or something, but no, those are their DRESSES. I absolutely ADORE the first girlie’s face. I don’t know if you can really tell in this picture but it is just the sweetiest little face EVER! I have had the urge to sew something lately and this little gem is pushing it over the edge – I simply have GOT to make a little dollie with that face!

Oh man. I can’t even tell you how much these feel me with GLEE! I just love them and HAD to share!

-amy

Let me just repeat that last one.

“Already established that.”

!!!

James and I just looked at each other and repeated it about a zillion times the rest of the day.

Seven going on thirteen!

(Here is the afore-mentioned spy tool:)

So birthday-ness was celebrated. This year we did not do any fancy parties. I took cupcakes in to Ethan’s class at school, and he got to choose where to go out to dinner. He choose Chuck E. Cheese, where as soon as he found a fake ID machine, all tokens were unceremoniously fed into said machine. And then, he got Jocelyn and she did the same thing.

Basically, child poses in front of camera, machine takes child’s picture, machine prints picture on 1 of 4 different ID badges. Boy badges were skateboarder, firefighter, policeman, and some other one. Girl badges were rockstar diva, princess, and 2 other ones. (Oh boy what a good memory Mommy has!)

I am not kidding — Ethan posed for about 20 cards. And every single picture of him on the cards is almost the same, except perhaps that he tried his darnedest to look MORE and MORE menacing in each one.

Jocelyn, on the other hand, tried to look more and more cute and adorable in every shot:

Um, yeah, LET’S LOOK AT THAT ONE AGAIN:

I fear the teenage years ahead of us.

Along with the spy multitool, he also received a spy safe (complete with access code and voice saying “ACCESS DENIED” if you get it wrong), a spy scope (can look around corners), a skateboard, legos, and SPORE for the DS. Can you tell that we have a little secret agent spy man on our hands? In his free time? He likes to construct… not a FORT, like we did in MY DAY.. but a secret hideout.

It was a nice birthday.

Mother’s day was very nice too! Jocelyn brought me the toast that Daddy made. Ethan poured the OJ and brought it up himself, and then cleaned my room and made his bed. Ethan’s card had handmade paper flowers, and after seeing them, Jocelyn promptly went and made some of her own. Too sweet! I took Jocelyn to her ballet class, and then we went to Sweetwater Tavern for a Mother’s Day lunch. Very nice. I told James to please, PLEASE not buy me anything, because I have ordered enough in the sterling silver wire and lucite bead department to last several Mother’s days! I got my lucite beads in time for Mother’s Day, and so worked up a few pairs of earrings.

Here’s one pair:

I looooove them — but I’ve actually had a second vision and will be making some adjustments… will work on them this week!

-amy twiddles her fingers waiting for the sterling silver WIRE to arrive!

Yesterday, I enthusiastically hollered when we crossed the (first) state border, “we’re in WEST VIRGINIA!” and the kids and I hooted at holered and wheeeee-ed. About an hour later, we pulled over at a rest area for a pee pee stop, and there was a pay phone right in front of our car. Ethan immediately was drawn to it.

“MOM! Can I call Daddy?”
“No,” I said,
“Please? I just want to tell hin we’re in North America!”

Then 15 minutes later when we stopped at a fast food place, as we were climbing ou Jocelyn asked, “Do they speak english here?”

THIS IS WHY WE CAME

Here’s my Dad, reading bedtime stories to 3 kids who then wouldn’t SLEEP for another hour or so:

“Good God, WHY?!” you ask?

My brother and his family is in Indianapolis, and he is getting a promotion. He is in the army, and he’s taking over the command of a brigade. I have no idea what that means, but I am suitably impressed! Anyway, my folks are flying in for it, and really, considering the fact that 90% of my family is really REALLY far away, a 10-12 hour drive like this seems like a bargain. Usually to see my side of the family, we have to spend either thousands of dollars in plane tickets/hotel/rental cars or drive for 2 days (and that’s LONG days – if we take our time it’s like 3-4 days!).

So.. yeah, We’re going to Indianapolis! I thought about going alone, but a chance for the kids to see cousins AND grandparents.. the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Plus, it’s cheaper to drive, so done! James can’t come because he has a project due for school Sunday.

We are going to leave Thursday right after school, which means there is precious little time to do all the things that need doing. Today I got new tires, because my old ones were nearly bald. I got Ethan new dress clothes over the weekend (including shoes) and took him to get his hair cut. I am getting my hair done tomorrow (hello 1 inch roots!) I need to find my video ipod and load it up with movies – i just use it to plug into the car dvd player. Easier than actually taking DVDS.

Tomorrow is going to be crazy. We have a meeting at Ethan’s school, an appointment for Ethan at the shrink, kindergarten registration for Jocelyn, I’m getting my hair done, Jocelyn’s first soccer practice of the year (oh, and I’m the team manager again!) and Ethan’s first t-ball practice of the year — oh, and I’m going to still try to get a full 8 hours of work in because I don’t want to have to take too much time off. I will likely be working late tonight though to make up for some of it.

And I have to pack to leave the next day.

ROADTRIIIIIIIP!

-amy