So I have been having problems in the project skinny area.

As in, I haven’t been doing a damn thing about it.

There are some things that have been going on in my head, however.

I don’t feel very good, mentally. (Physically, I feel fine, pretty good, even.) I don’t feel attractive. I don’t feel good about myself. I sometimes feel motivated, but then can’t get the oomph to actually DO it. I have NO WILL POWER WHATSOEVER. I think about food a lot of the time. I crave Taco Bell gorditas! Hello, they’re like 7 points each, which isn’t bad, except that a combo meal has TWO OF THEM PLUS A TACO. And remember the no will power thing? When I’m ordering, do you think I order just one? Right.

Anyway, I have been thinking it’s time to get my butt into gear for the last week or two. I don’t like feeling like shit. And honestly, a lot of the time, I don’t, it’s just kind of those fleeting moments, and then I REALLY feel like shit. I haven’t stepped on a scale, and 2 weeks ago, when I did, it hadn’t even moved up that much, just a pound or two, however, my body feels different, and it makes me want to saw off a limb or something.

There was a very interesting discussion in the blogosphere about gaining weight after marriage. Have you heard about it or read any of it? I am a blog WHORE and so have a ton of blogs that I’m subscribed to and read regularly, and in this case, I got sidetracked to another blog, and then to ANOTHER blog and then to about a zillion other blogs, and read all about it.

This is the post that started it all: “False Advertising”
Is gaining weight after marriage false advertising, or unfair to your spouse?
This is the post that I read next. – Melissa at Surburban Bliss gives her reaction

And this is another post that really hit home to me – if you read, be sure to read her followups as well, when she clarifies a few things

Read them, or not, it’s up to you. I took a lot out of the discussion, but one of the things that I realized with stark obvious realization, is that my husband rocks. I mean, seriously. Many of the entries commented on their husbands’ view on their weight and management thereof, and I have to say, James has never, ever said one word about me, or my weight, not ONE, not in the TEN YEARS that we have been together. I was not a skinny girl when we met, but I wasn’t as “sturdy”* as I am now, either. When we were married, I was at my heaviest ever (excluding pregnancies). I cringe when I look at my wedding pictures and I think, at least I’m not that big now. He has never done anything but supported me in whatever I choose, even when I choose to eat Taco Bell gorditas. And that is awesome, because you know how many gorditas I would eat if the man I love choose to make snarky comments on how I didn’t really need ANOTHER couple chocolate covered raisins? When I talk about it with him, he helps me and supports me, and hides his snacky foods that make me wonder why he is as skinny as he is when he can all that doritos and little debbies and oreos crap (and then I watch him push an unfinished plate of DELICIOUS food away BECAUSE HE’S FULL and realize why)… he’s wonderful. He really is. Thank you honey, for not saying it, for letting me find my own way, and letting me do it FOR ME, because honestly, that’s the only reason to do it.

And so… it’s time to do it. Hide the oreos, honey, because I need to believe they no longer exist in this earthly realm! I may be talking about this more and more, because every time I try to “start”, I lose focus and stop keeping good track, and then toss in the towel with those famous, “Oh I’ll start tomorrow” words, and we all know that that ain’t good. So I may be experimenting with ways to stay focused, using this site as a means to that end.

Wish me luck 🙂 or better, wish me focus, and will power.

– amy takes 2 steps forward, and one step back… and prepares to start the next 2 steps forward.. maybe she can keep it going this time.
*I almost forgot this footnote. Hee hee heee! — STURDY. for some reason that just cracked me up that I refered to myself as sturdy. Yup, she’s sturdy! No little wind is gonna blow HER over! Good foundations, that one! Ok, I’ll stop now.

– amy is flabbergasted that she had to add “shit” to her editor’s dictionary. She also added, snarky, gorditas, oreos, and blogosphere. How did “shit” survive so long w/out being added??? GOOD LORD.