Oct 27 2008

New school development for the boy

Published by at 11:11 am under amy's head

Well, it’s time to give more details, especially since the plot has thickened.

I am not making any excuses for my son. He has issues. But I kind of suspected that there was more going on in his after school care classroom than we, or even the teachers knew. I felt like some of the kids had pinned a “bad kid” label on him and were possibly even pushing his buttons to get a reaction. Now, I can’t back this up with anything, it’s just something I’ve noticed, and something James has noticed. One day last week, James was picking Ethan up who had spent some time in the office, when another kid came up to James and told him in a snarky voice, “Ethan got sent to the office today!” James said that Ethan was obviously bristled by this, and frankly, it pissed James off as well. I’ve noticed a few other things in the classroom as well, and I’ve tried to pass this on to the center’s director, while trying not to sound like I’m making excuses.

When the news came down that Ethan was no longer welcome at the daycare, we debated about what to do. For a long time now, I’ve wanted to be home when the kids were done with school for the day. If we were to find another daycare for him to attend after school, we would likely run into the same issues, at least in the interim. What would be best would be if we could arrange to be home by the time school is out. And if we can arrange that for the short term, why not arrange it for the long term? We both thought that this would be best for our family, regardless of what is going on with Ethan. And if we could work it out and keep it up, then when Jocelyn was in kindergarten, there would be no daycare situation at all, which is so much the better. We decided that there was no reason to tell Ethan that he was “no longer invited” to go to his daycare, which would only serve to lower his self esteem more than it already is. We simply told him that we had decided that it would be better for our family if we picked him and Jocelyn up early. It gives everyone more time at home together.

Well, James and I arranged our work schedules so that part of the week, he will get to work early enough to leave in time for when school’s out, and I will do the other part of the week. I had a trial run of sorts last week, and this week is the first full time go at this new routine. (Getting up early really sucks.) I emailed Ethan’s 1st grade teacher so she would be on the same page (with everything, our decision to seek professional help, no more afterschool care, etc.)

Today James was gone before it was fully light out, and I got everyone out the door (only going back twice for forgotten coat/hat/mittens & mommy’s ipod!) and was almost to work when James called me to tell me Ethan’s 1st grade teacher had emailed.

Of course my fears were instantly of bad behavior, but nothing was wrong. In that regard, anyway. No, what was wrong was that a girl in his class that also attended the afterschool daycare Ethan had, was telling him that he was kicked out, and that “somebody at the daycare had told her so.”

You can imagine how angry James and I were. How angry we ARE. First, I am angry at the school. She heard this from the school. Where do they get off telling anyone else why Ethan is no longer attending? And secondly, I’m mad at this kid. At all the kids who have pegged my son into this “bad kid” box and are now refusing to let him out of it. So, I called the daycare school and let them have it. I was so angry, I confessed, I yelled. And cried. And probably got a bit incoherent there at the end. I probably should not have called. The director denied that any of her teachers would tell any of the students that Ethan was no longer invited to attend. But I’m sorry, that girl didn’t say, “You must have been kicked out,” she said, “You got kicked out.” Someone told her something.

Jocelyn is doing fine there, so I’m a little torn, but frankly, I don’t feel that I can trust their teachers. James and I are debating whether or not to move Jocelyn elsewhere. We’re leaning towards elsewhere.

And I can’t stop shaking this morning. It just keeps on coming.

I should end on a good note. I am so glad and grateful for all the support that has come our way. Everyone has messaged me, twittered me, emailed me, facebooked me, expressing their sympathy and their offers to help in whatever way they could. You guys rock. I’m also grateful for Ethan’s 1st grade teacher and the school’s administration. They’ve been awesome.

Today is still going to really suck.

4 responses so far

4 Responses to “New school development for the boy”

  1. Mistyon 27 Oct 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Vote with your money, which they need now more than ever. Move her elsewhere. It’s awful that they didn’t even think to investigate, and rather immediately said you were wrong.

    I’m sorry you guys have to go through this – I hope it gets better quick. With parents like you two, it has to!

  2. Caitlinon 27 Oct 2008 at 2:05 pm

    That’s just inexcusable for whoever (her parents/teacher) told the little girl Ethan was kicked out. IMO, that’s something that should have been strictly between the school and your family. I would lean toward moving Jocelyn as well. It sounds like the teachers weren’t stopping the other kids talking about Ethan being “bad” before, so they may not stop other kids from saying mean things about Ethan in front of Jocelyn.

    I’m glad picking the kids up early worked out for you. Hopefully the extra time with you and James will be just what Ethan needs and things will get better shortly.

  3. Annon 27 Oct 2008 at 3:49 pm

    Have they never heard of confidentiality? They had no business telling other kids about yours! I hope Ethan’s week gets better.

  4. Sandion 28 Oct 2008 at 9:06 am

    Hey Amy! You should have told me about this!! I had the same problem with Brayden at a certain daycare. The daycare would make up situations that made Bray look like the bad kid, when it was just a ploy to get to my husband, (now ex, chris) We ended up getting the girl fired. I would cry at night thinking how could someone use an innocent kid to get to someone else. It didn’t make any sense. I would remove Jocelyn as soon as you can. And as far as confidentiality goes, if this is not a private daycare, and it is widespread, i would take it as high as i can go corporate wise. Ethan is at a very impressionable age right now, and he needs guidance, and not ridicule. If the daycare cannot provide it for my nephew than it obviously can’t provide it for my neice, whether it looks like she is handling it okay or not. If you need me call me!!
    Love and miss you guys. Give my brother my best and tell him it WILL get better!