Dec 22 2005

Cute Kid Stories – Episode 2

Published by at 10:50 am under kids,overheard

Lately, Jocelyn likes to exclaim, “STUCK!” and then get whatever it is free, and say, “Dat better.”

It’s especially cute when she isn’t stuck in the least. Like when she stopped on top of the toy box lid and shouted at the top of her lungs, “STUCK! STUCK! STUCK! STUCK!” only to hop off and say, “Dat better!!”

My mother always said, “Don’t argue with a three-year old.”

She was usually talking about my older brother(s) at the time, but still, I got her point.

But now that I actually HAVE a three-year old, I REALLY understand. You JUST CANNOT WIN. It doesn’t matter that facts are on your side. It doesn’t matter that your child USED to have a sense of logic (or at least listened to you and accepted your word as The Truth no matter what). What matters is, what HE THINKS IS TRUE IS TRUE DAMMIT.

Let me give you some examples.

We have a great children’s CD, “No!” by They Might Be Giants. Even if you don’t think you know their work, you really do. You just don’t know you do. Kind of like Danny Elfman in that regard, to a lesser degree.

Anyway what was I talking about? Oh right. The CD. It’s in my car pretty much always, and we listen to it on the way to school and from school to home. Track three features a song called “Robot Parade”, which James has always said is his favorite. Well, I think around the middle of the summer, Ethan decided that it is his favorite. And therefore, it cannot be anyone else’s favorite.

This is our conversation in the car when the robot song comes on:

Ethan: It’s the ROBOT SONG! This is my favorite. It isn’t daddy’s favorite. It’s ALL MINE.
Me: No, honey, this is daddy’s favorite song too. You can both have the VERY SAME FAVORITE SONG! It makes it even more special.
Ethan: No, Daddy’s favorite is the bed song. And Jocelyn’s favorite is the clap song. And your favorite is the tree house song!

Another argument with a three-year-old:

Me: Just think Ethan, it’s only 5 more days until Christmas.
Ethan: No, mommy, it’s FOUR!
Me: No, I’m pretty sure it’s five more days. It might even be six.
Ethan (working on holding up his fingers): No mommy, it’s THIS MANY DAYS! (holding up three)
Me: Well, when we get home we’ll check the calendar and see.

I was worn down at that point and just gave up. The urge to continue the argument is there, because you have the COLD HARD FACTS on your side, but little sway do they have. Even though you are in the right, you must submit. Maybe politicians should be required to spend some time arguing with three year olds just to learn how to compromise and submit – even when they don’t want to (and/ or think the facts are on their side).

Another Ethan conversation:

Ethan: I’m getting so big mommy. I’m getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and the little hole is all gone now! From the snot!
Me: The snot?
Ethan: No, the SHONT!
Me, totally confused: The shont?
Ethan: Yes, the shont!
Me: Honey, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Where did you get this hole?
Ethan: It was a little hole, and it hurt, and she pushed it down. And it hurt all day long. And then I got bigger, and it’s gone now! It doesn’t hurt any more!
Me (seriously wondering and vaguely worried): It hurt? Who pushed it down?
Ethan: Our new doctor! She pushed it down and it was a little hole. And now I’m so big I don’t need any more shots!

He was referring to the flu shot he got last weekend. Jeez, mom get with it already!

It is really fascinating how his mind works sometimes. I should really bring a little tape recorder or something in the car with me because I am SO not doing his train of thought justice.

Of course, being so close to Christmas and all, he’s totally fixated on that. About 10 minutes after we had put him to bed a few nights ago, I heard him talking in his room, so I peeked in. He was singing “Santa Claus is coming to town”. Too cute. He also likes to sing it as well as Jingle Bells while he’s on the can.

Total side note: I got Ethan these toddler wipes that are just like normal baby wipes but are in a cute toddler friendly container. I got them because I’m tired of him hollering, “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Come wipe come wipe!” from across the house because he doesn’t want to wipe his own ass. Maybe with these toddler wipes, he’ll wipe his OWN ass! Well, since we got them, he has been hopping up on the potty to poop ALL THE TIME, instead of the constant reminders we have to give him lest all the poop building up in his backside EXPLODE OUT OF HIS BUTT IN A DESPERATE BID FOR FREEDOM killing everyone in it’s wake. So this morning, I left him alone to poop per his instructions (“Leave me alone mommy. Go outside.”) and when I came back, he had left the BIGGEST MAN-SIZED POOP in the toilet that I was totally flabbergasted. He poops EVERY DAY now! HOW could he have had that much poop in him? And HOW GOD HOW could he have ever pooped it out?!! Seriously. I don’t think -I- have ever pooped that big. I’m still boggling.

We’ve had issues with Ethan behaving in school. There’s no question that the boy needs a firm hand when it comes to discipline, or he’ll take advantage of it. So while not directly, I have been playing up the whole, “Santa only brings toys to little boys that make GOOD CHOICES AND IS NICE TO THEIR FRIENDS!” aspect of it all, and while I talk, it really does seem like it’s going in one ear and out the other.

Until yesterday, he told me that Santa Claus came to his school. Fishing information out of Ethan is no easy task, let me tell you.

Ethan: Santa Claus came to my school.
Me: Really! (thinking, oh they must have had someone dress up and come in)
Ethan: Yes!
Me: What was he WEARING?
Ethan: He was wearing ALL RED! Just like my favorite color!
Me: Wow, that must have been great! Did he have his big bag of toys?
Ethan: Nooooooooo.
Me: He must have left it at home.
Ethan: Or on his SLEIGH! (the kid knows about the sleigh!!! I don’t know why I’m boggling, he’s seen the Polar Express enough times to know about it by now, but still!)
Me: How does Santa get his sleigh up in the air?
Ethan, thinking it over for a minute: With his REINDEER!!!
Me: That’s right! So what did Santa do when he was at your school?
Ethan, getting a little quieter: He watched us.
Me: He watched you?
Ethan: Mmmhmmm.
Me: Did he talk to you?
Ethan: Nope. He just watched us.
Me: Aha.

At this point, I let it drop because it is my guess that there was nobody dressing up and visiting his school.. He just knows that Santa is “watching”, and thus, this story. It’s cute, and scary all at the same time. James expressed his belief that we’re raising a conspiracy theorist who’s going to be nervous about Big Brother all the time.

He’s obviously thinking about Christmas and the presents a lot, because one night, I wrapped up the slippers (in green wrapping paper) that they’re going to get to open on Christmas eve, and set them at the top of the stairs to take down the next morning. He of course saw them and bombarded me with questions, and insisted on putting them down under the tree. DAYS later, we were in the car coming home, and in the middle of his running dialogue stated, “And it’s GREEN!” I had no idea what he was talking about, but at the same time I just KNEW he was talking about those two presents, and sure enough, next he said, “And it’s for me! And the other green one is for Jocelyn!”

Sometimes it’s hard to decide whether Christmas is better as a kid, or as an adult experiencing it with kids :) Since I’m here, now, I’m going to go with the “as an adult” scenario. You know when you see something super cute, like kittens or puppies or little newborn baby bottoms or a baby horse standing for the first time and you just have to go “awwwwww!”? James always used to say that he felt it in his chin. Like if he saw something cute, he would feel the cute feeling in his chin. I never quite got that. Maybe it’s because if you go, “awwwwwwww!” and then still have that “oh it’s so adorable” frowny smile on your face, your chin does feel a little weird. Maybe that is why he pinpointed the chin as the source of all cute-adorable feelings.

Well, my chin is definitely feeling all the cuteness around here.

Happy Cute Chin Feeling!

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