RANDOM THINGS THE KIDS HAVE DONE THIS WEEK MONTH:

A week or so ago, James and I were cleaning out our guest room really thoroughly (getting this house ready to put on the market!) and the kids were also supposed to be cleaning their rooms.

We were all working pretty hard, when Ethan came in, toting a nerf gun, and announced, “When we’re done with all this work, I suggest we have the BATTLE OF OUR LIVES.”

Nerf gun battles abound at our house. We agreed that sounded like a fantastic idea.

LAST MINUTE PARENTING WINS THE DAY

Today is Dr. Suess’ birthday, and our school is honoring it with a book character dress up day. I didn’t remember until late last night, so this morning was fraught with quickly trying to come up with SOMEthing, ANYthing, for the kids to dress up with.
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Amy: Here, look at these photos. One of these 6 photos have got to go.

James: The first one.

Amy: The first one? NO. No. The first one is NOT going. Look, there’s no other photos like that one. It’s got to stay. Look at these last 3, one of these three have got to go.

James: Then why didn’t you say one of those three had to go, instead of one of all six had to go?

Amy: Because I thought you would have enough SENSE to see that it would HAVE to be one of the last three!

James: …

Amy: …

James: The middle one.

Amy: Yeah. The middle one.

fini.

And here, I show you, the photo that got axed. Bid it adieu. It shall live here, but not with it’s sisters on Etsy or my website.

Farewell, sweet photo.

This morning I created a monster.

Well, 2 monsters, really.

Every morning (unless we’re on the ball and up and rarin’ to go — yeah, not usually happening!) when I hear a kid stirring, I give our family whistle, and wait to see if a little blur comes running into our room. After a few whistles, we usually have 2 little hot water bottles climb into bed with us for a little morning snuggle.
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NOT THAT FAR FROM HOME

Yesterday, I enthusiastically hollered when we crossed the (first) state border, “we’re in WEST VIRGINIA!” and the kids and I hooted at holered and wheeeee-ed. About an hour later, we pulled over at a rest area for a pee pee stop, and there was a pay phone right in front of our car. Ethan immediately was drawn to it.

“MOM! Can I call Daddy?”
“No,” I said,
“Please? I just want to tell hin we’re in North America!”

Then 15 minutes later when we stopped at a fast food place, as we were climbing ou Jocelyn asked, “Do they speak english here?”

THIS IS WHY WE CAME

Here’s my Dad, reading bedtime stories to 3 kids who then wouldn’t SLEEP for another hour or so:

Isn’t that what someone ordering “male enhancement” products is trying to prevent?

In list form!

• I took a jewelry beading class a few weekends ago, a class I thought would mostly be stringing, but ended up being wire working, and I have to say, I loved it. However, it has brought a few things to light, namely:
  • Cheap pliers are just that. Cheap. The teacher had tools for us to use, which I did, and then when I got home and tried to use the cheapo pliers I had initially purchased, my hands were killing me. Ouch.
  • Silver wire is expensive! She gave us all copper wire to work with, because it’s relatively cheap. Silver is pretty expensive. However, I am not particularly drawn to copper. I don’t hate it, I just don’t usually go for it. And now, after the class, when I look at the copper wire, I have no idea what sort of beads to pair it with. I am paralyzed with inactivity. I have no wish to make copper jewelry. I ache to make something, but I don’t know what. I just am more partial to silver, really.

  So, I’m kind of antsy and anxious to get started with some more jewelry, but a) i need some good pliers and b) I want silver wire. Both of which cost a decent amount of money. But after wobbling about for a week on what to do, I bit the bullet. I bought some very good pliers online, along with a small amount of sterling silver wire, and a bigger amount of (silver-looking-in-appearance)(cheap) nickel wire. I figure I will use the nickel and if I make a piece I really like, I can redo it in the silver. Now I can’t wait for my order to arrive!

• My upper back is having some sort of reaction to something. At first I thought our cat had scratched me or something, because I just had this very mild irritation on the back of my shoulder, and indeed, could feel a miniscule scratch, but it has progressed to a much larger area than just the invisible scratch area and wtf? No rash or other visual indicator is present, but I’m telling you, not a minute goes by where I don’t feel pain somewhere in this general area. Not a big pain, but a pain-in-the-ass pain, because I keep being made aware of it, over and OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Time for some hydrocortisone cream I guess.
• Today at the office there is a potluck, and OFFICE MASSAGES. When I wondered over to the front desk to sign up yesterday, I was aghast that there were hardly any people signed up. I was tempted to put myself down twice. Don’t these people like to relax and be massaged? After the last week, I CANNOT WAIT.
• With the potluck today and a class party in Jocelyn’s classroom on Friday, I made a whole crapload of pumpkin cupcakes. I just LOVE these things. I wish I had the time to decorate them like Melissa from Suburban Bliss did her BOO cupcakes – LOVE THESE – I’m telling you follow the link and just scroll down for the pictures. Creepily DELIGHTFUL. But I did not have the time, so I just dipped them all in halloweeny sprinkles and called it good. And spent the entire trip into the office this morning thinking of some ghoulish names to accompany them. I’ve settled on “Putrid Pumpkin Pustules Slimed With Creepy Creamed Cheese of the Occult” I’ll take any suggestions!
• This year when I bought out the hat and gloves department at Target for the family, I hit on something. I usually buy several pairs so that when the first glove goes missing (as they all inevitably do) there would be back-up gloves. This year – I bought TWO PAIRS OF THE SAME GLOVES for everyone. Why did I not think of this?? Then when the end of winter comes and tons of gloves are missing, we are much more likely to have MATCHING GLOVES. I can’t tell you how many times Jocelyn has gone to school with one supergirl glove and one transformer glove. Hopefully this year it will be Supergirl FTW! Also, I bought some fingerless gloves to try out in the office and I HAVE NOT NOT USED THEM SINCE. I LOVE them. My hands are warm, but my fingers are not constricted by any bulky material. In fact, these aren’t fingerless gloves, they’re more like fingerless mittens, because there’s no individual fingers to them. Yet another idea I should have adopted YEARS AGO.
• And just not to leave anyone hanging, Ethan has been doing well this week. No major incidents. He appeared to have totally brushed off the girl in his class telling him he was kicked out of daycare. His teacher said that he replied, “No I didn’t.” and he hasn’t brought it up to us at all. The counseling center got back to me and we decided to do some initial psychological testing just to see what’s what. Now that everything seems to be going OK, I feel like maybe I’m overreacting with the whole professional help thing, but I know that it is still the best thing for him. Even if the worst is over, this still can only help him, not hurt.
• The kids expressed astonishment that there was CHRISTMAS stuff up at Target already. And when we were there yesterday they had already taken down the major Halloween setup. Ethan: “Don’t they know that Halloween isn’t even over yet???” I know, Ethan. I KNOW.

That’s it. I just leave you know with the conversation James and I had last night. I had just been blathering on and on about who knows what and after a short silence, this came out.

Oh, what sweet marital bliss:

me: God. I hate the sound of my voice. I don’t know how you can stand it. Blech. I wish I could just STOP TALKING.
..
james: (SILENCE.)
..
I look at him.
..
He looks at me.
..
I give him THE LOOK.
He grins.
james: I am racking up the points right now!
me: OH NO YOU ARE NOT!
james: What? I am too! I am totally keeping my mouth shut! You know what I COULD BE SAYING RIGHT NOW??
..
I fix him with a stony glare.
me: You are losing more points with every passing second, mister.
james: What??!!!
me, taking on a fake voice: “Oh, honey! Why would you say that? Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have a lovely voice! That’s why I married you! I love you! You’re perfect in every way!”
james laughs, and takes on his own fake voice: “I wish you would stop talking! You’ve been driving me nuts for the past 20 minutes! That voice is the voice that is going to drive me to my grave! That voice—”
I cut him off, and retort: LOSING POINTS. EVERY SECOND.
james just grins.
me: I’M TELLING THE INTERNET.

Internet, you have been duly informed.

-amy howls at the moon.

conversation between james and i last night, during one of the many tivo pauses of the presidential debate:

james: seriously, if I was elected president, that’s the first thing I would do.
amy: what?
james: torture. In my mind, that’s the most heinous thing that needs to be corrected.
amy: You know, that’s one thing John McCain supposed to defy Bush on, but he’s slipped a time or two.
james: The torture, it’s just despicable. First day in office, that’s what I’d do.
*amy just stares at him.*
amy: Really?
james: yeah.
amy: the VERY FIRST THING?
james: absolutely.
amy: Oh, I don’t think so. I think there’s something you’d do first.
james: what?
amy: come on! you’re finally president! you’re PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! you KNOW you’d crack open all the super classified shit and find out the real deal about aliens!

I know that’s what I’d do. What would you do?

Me: Ethan, I’d like you to set the table, please.
Ethan: OK, it would be my pleasure!

Now that’s more like it!

Today went swimmingly. No issues, a message from his KG teacher that he did great. We came home and played on the Wii to celebrate.

So now that I have ostracized all ELEVEN of my readers (i know, a gross exageration) by NOT POSTING A THING FOR WEEKS, let me just slay you know with the WORDS WORDS WORDS!

….. WORDS!

No pictures, either, not even if you beg!

Some assorted thoughts and happenings from my mother’s visit (my dad did not come at the last minute, doh!).
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I’ve been Jocelyn’s team manager for over a month now and have yet to post any of my crazy emails. I always hit “send” and bite my lip hoping that a) nobody is offended, b) nobody thinks i’m crazy, or even worse c) nobody rolls their eyes, because i am just SO not funny.

Yes, I know, I AM probably SO not funny, but I get a kick out of it, and i’m the (queen! czarina!) team manager, so neener neener!

Enough blather, here you go:
___________________
Look at me – I’m emailing in a relatively early fashion! And I can’t seem to stop using exclamation points! Someone send help!

First, a little teaser on how things are going to go down NEXT weekend, which is PICTURE DAY.

First off, make sure your kid has no jam on their face (this is one of my biggest issue on picture days). (OK, on every day, picture or no picture.)

Next! Our team pictures are being taken at <school>, at X:XXam.

Here is a map for <school>.

As you can see, it’s just down the road from <soccer fields>.

Please try to arrive by X:XXam.

Your child should be all ready for gametime, which means GOLD jerseys, shin guards, socks, and of course, no jam on the face. Hair brushing is optional. (Unless you’re in our house, where you will be screamed at if you take a step toward a child with a hairbrush in hand.)

I have the picture envelopes/order forms which has all the ordering information, and they will be handed out this Saturday. If you lose yours, there will be more available at the school on picture day. It’s nice to fill it out beforehand along with your check, so come picture time, you are free to spit on the corner of your sleeve and wipe jam off of faces.

We will then mill around the field (or gym, if it’s rainy) until it’s our turn, and then all our kids will get their individual picture taken, and then finally, all the kids and the coaches will have a team picture taken.

EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT BUYING PICTURES, PLEASE ATTEND PICTURE DAY. THE REST OF THE TEAM WANTS YOUR CHILD IN THEIR TEAM PICTURES!

After the joy that is “picture day” is over, we will then troop over to to play our game! The bright side is that our soccer events will all be over by noon and we can all spend the rest of the day letting our children get jam on their face while sipping mimosas! (Yes, I know, I live in fantasy land.)

Whew!

OK, that’s NEXT WEEK, so let’s get on with this week, shall we?

Arrive: X:XXpm
Gametime: X:XXpm
Jersey: BLUE
Field: #X
Snack duty: Jane Doe

You know the drill: shin guards, jerseys, water bottles – and jam on the face is totally optional! Wahoo! Go crazy!

I am NOT going to be at this Saturday’s game, but my husband will be there, and will probably be very embarrassed to be handing out photo envelopes on my behalf. Be sure to tell him makes a great soccer mom, and that he’s got a little smudge of jam right *there*. You can even spit on your sleeves and wipe it off!

Have a great game and hopefully we won’t get rained out of our Monday practice again!

-amy, who tries not to worry that her jam obsession may affect her mental health

PS! On a totally unrelated note, I am singing in a concert of big band/jazz music on Sunday at 4pm (and will be in rehearsal Saturday, thus my absence) and if anyone is interested in attending, I’d love to see you there! Tickets are $5/each and kids totally free! More info here: http://www.pwchorale.com/ (I am going to try not to have jam on my face for this one, but I make no promises!)