A year ago ?? Two years ago?

I think it was 2 years ago, because Jocelyn was a wee little baby then.

Why was I remembering 2 years ago? Oh yeah.

A year or two ago, when James informed me he was taking Saturday classes that summer, my heart dropped and my mind exploded and I thought I would sink into the depths of despair. My mind screamed in denial. Then it screamed in anger. I ALREADY HAVE TO WATCH THESE KIDS 5 DAYS A WEEK, 2 EVENINGS AND NOW YOU WON’T BE HERE SATURDAYS TOO??? I seriously felt so depressed I may have cried over it.

Before I go on, let me just say that this was during a period of time that James worked from home, and I stayed at home with the kids. It was a wonderful time, we would all get up around 7:30-8ish, shower/get dressed and then give daddy kisses as he headed down the stairs to work. He would come up now and then to go potty, we would all have lunch together, and whenever anyone was doing anything super cute (I know, how did he get ANY work done?) I would buzz him on the phone and he’d run up to come see.

So my (inner) cries of abandonment were really not too well founded. Except that the daily wear and tear of staying at home was obviously telling on my psyche.

I did something cool though. Despite my despair at the ruination of our weekends for the entire summer (and let me tell you, it really did ruin the summer. James would agree.) I decided to flip this situation on it’s head and do something fun every week. I tried to view it as a special time I got to take the kids somewhere cool and exciting. I tried to ignore the fact that I already had 5 other days with no James that I filled somehow without wanting to stick my head in the oven, and make Saturdays special.

The first day, I got everyone ready, packed the double stroller, some PBJs and drove into DC. We parked along the river, walked over by the round memorial (what, you don’t know which one I’m refering to? Bah! Sorry, the only name that keeps popping into my head is Jefferson and Lincoln, and I don’t think it’s either, it’s not on the mall) around the edge of the water, looking at the ducks, watching Ethan climbing UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN the steps of that one memorial that you can look over the water and see the white house (aren’t I helpful with all the names?) while I tried to hide behind a column and nurse Jocelyn. We watched folks playing football, we investigated every rock and twig and we saw a mother goose with a sweet little line of baby geese walking in a line just like a little goose-train.

It was a pretty nice day, and I remember feeling pleased on my way home. If I had just stayed home, I would have moped and gotten more depressed. I know that sometimes it is all about your choices, and not about how you feel, even when you don’t really feel like making that choice. It’s hard when you just want to wallow in the pity-party, but I decided to have fun, and dammit, I had fun.

I’m recalling all this because James went to his first class on Tuesday, and didn’t get home until 10pm. I’m not really depressed over this, but it was a nice summer with no classes, and it’s a bit of an adjustment to the new schedule. I thought about how Tuesday went, and am not particularly happy. I got the kids, got dinner ready, and then kind of lazed around reading a John Grisham book until bedtime while the kids played. Got them into bed w/out incident and then lazed around watching TV. I had the best intentions of cleaning the kitchen, but it got later and later and it wasn’t happening until James called and said, “YOU’RE CLEANING THE KITCHEN, AREN’T YOU??? YOU SHOULD CLEAN THE KITCHEN!” and then I got up and cleaned the kitchen.

I don’t know, I wasn’t sad, but I WAS wallowing a teeny bit. “Woe is me. James isn’t here, so I’ll just sit here and ignore my children and my dirty kitchen and read.”

Anyway, my point is, I think I need to rearrange my point of view on this whole no James 2x a week thing. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, feeling OH SO PUT UPON because I MUST CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN WITHOUT AID FOR 3 WHOLE HOURS, TWICE A WEEK, I’ve decided to view it as 2 nights when after the kids are in bed, I can do absolutely my own thing.

So the point to all this? I dedicate Tuesday and Thursday nights to craftiness! No more feeling sorry for myself, I shall look forward to these two nights as the nights I get creative, in whatever fashion I choose. I have been dipping my toes into some crafty projects lately, and some are still in the mid-way phase. Tonight I’m going to try to finish Jocelyn’s Hello Kitty pillow.

Next, I’ll finish the bears.

and THEN, THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!

– amy “NO MORE! TALE TO TELL!” be-damy