My new Indigo Girls album has arrived, Despite Our Differences.

I’m so happy! I don’t know why. I didn’t really get all excited about the last…. 4 or 5 releases. Not since Shaming of the Sun. I was living in Atlanta at the time and there was quite a lot of publicity on that release. I stood in line at Tower or some such and got it signed by the girls. It was fun.

I have all the other albums of course. But one of them I found while thumbing through the IG section at a store and not recognizing the album cover. Some fan *I* am! Not even knowing that there had been a release! So really, I am not sure why I’m excited about this one, but I am. I blame Linda, who’s hyped it all up for me (and by “hyped” I mean, “mentioned more than once”).

It’s nice to be back in that place though, that place where listening to the girls make me feel warm and fuzzy.

It got me thinking about music and stuff. Isn’t it funny how there are some albums that you know by heart, and love more than anything, but it doesn’t necessarily fit into your musical tastes. For example, I own and love The Best of the Doobie Brothers. Love love love it. Dance with me momma all night long! I think this is because my older sister had it when I was a girl and it’s just something I grew up with. I don’t think that I would love it as much as I do, if I had never heard it until later. I am sure I wouldn’t, it definitely isn’t in my typical musical taste. Cat Stevens is in this category, as well as a few America songs – I have one album of theirs just for “Horse with no name” (which by the way, makes great kid listening music).

I am not a huge audiophile. I am in awe of folks who are. I had a friend, whom we’ll just call ‘shoeshine boy’ who I was able to just describe a song I heard on the radio once A FEW YEARS BEFORE and loved, not remembering ANY of the words, just the way they made me feel, who after 5 minutes of hearing me ramble, said, “Ben Harper” and sure enough it was Ben Harper’s “Faded” from The Will to Live album. I basically listen to the radio (alternative/modern rock) and am fairly undiscriminating. As long as they can sing and aren’t too heavy, I will generally like it. My husband James is into the heavier stuff, and it’s a good thing the guy in Metallica can actually SING, because his favorite had been one of those screecher hair bands that can’t sing, just screech, we probably wouldn’t be married.
And that’s another thing. I don’t know about anyone else.. but I need some time to connect with a new album to really love it. I spent time with, totally bonded and connected with that Ben Harper album. I own all his other albums as well (except the latest one) but haven’t really spent the time to get to know them as well, and therefore don’t adore them as I do The Will to Live. Another example is the Wonder Stuff (which is probably the only time I’ll list a band and you’ll go, “huh? who’s that?” because i’m not very non-mainstream, honestly, i’m not) whose “Never Loved Elvis” album is in my top 10. And yet, I don’t really care for any of the others. I just haven’t gotten into them.

While waiting for my album to arrive from Amazon, Linda pointed out how some folks will say I am not missing much. I asked Linda what SHE thought of it, and the way she put it was perfect. “I have loved them for 17 years. It’s like a marriage now. I will always love them, even if I have to work at it.” (Sorry if I messed that up Linda.)

She’s right. It’s time I reconnect with the girls instead of just remembering “the good old times” (rites of passage, swamp ophelia, 1200 curfews).I skipped around until I found the song that made me cry when I saw them in concert, which was “Lay Me Down”. I turned it up as far as I could, and it made me cry again. here’s part of it:

Why can’t I let go of the feeling
That I’m lost somehow
Just a ghost looking in
Out of my own life just visiting
In search of a body to have and to hold and to keep and to sleep
I wanna lay my head down on you
Because you’re the only solid thing in this room
A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

To me, this song is about losing that connection. Losing the connection to others around you. Feeling like a stranger in a room of friendly acquaintances. Looking around the room at Bunko and wondering if you really are this person, sitting in this room. Wondering if you can just be Amy, and not the wallet-loser, Not the wife. Not the mother. Not the Web Designer/Editor. Not the bill-payer. Not the appointment-maker. And who exactly is amy? She doesn’t feel like this person, this life. Wondering how you got to be in this place in your life. Do these labels fit me? Mother, wife, responsible adult. I feel like a ghost looking in on this life. I need to connect, I need to anchor, I need to lay my head down on you, because if I don’t I may drift away because I don’t know how to fit into this life, this world, this house, this perception that people have of me.. I need to connect or you will just be another mishmash of songs that are vaguely familiar, by voices that I loved once, or still do, but in another form, another album.

And so, I settle in to connect with this album. I pore over the words as they flood over me. I will make the effort to connect, just as you have to in a marriage.

And it’s like falling in love all over again.

Aaaaahhh acronyms!

I came across Hilary Lang’s Wee Bunny pattern (it’s free! it’s easy! even I could do it!) and thought that perhaps I could make one, put a totoro face on it (from My Neighbor Totoro), call it a totoro and maybe be able to pull the wool over my kids eyes that they’re ACTUALLY supposed to be bunnies. (it hasn’t worked, Jocelyn called them “little BUNS!” during the construction process, although she has readily adopted the “totoro” title now that they’re made.. )

I’m pretty pleased with how they’ve come out, actually! I am going to make a few more, one more at the very least, because I WANT ONE TOO. A little “sad” totoro! More on that below.

Jocelyn’s Totoro when it was still clean (completed).

Ethan’s Totoro still in progress

I tried out a few different mouths when finishing up Jocelyn’s totoro. The totoros in the movie are never exactly giddy, except in certain scenes. Mostly they have a serious sort of look to them. Almost grumpy. So the first mouth I did, Jocelyn took one look at it and said, “It’s a SAD totoro!” and demanded a HAPPY totoro.

Ethan however, wanted a sad totoro. “Not too sad. Just.. sad.”

I like the “sad” totoro better myself. (Jocelyn has already had 24 hours with her completed totor, and it already had jam on it by the time Ethan’s was finished, and there was daylight for photo taking with both completed totoros.)

I don’t know why this picture tickles me so, but it does. they look so cute looking at each other.

And now, some real totoros, for reference (for more totoro goodness, visit totoro.org):

Yes. I am way off. But still, I think I did ok on the faces 🙂 Honestly, IT COULD BE WORSE! SO JUST SHOOSH!
-amy, hey let’s GO! HEY LET’S GO! WE’RE HAPPY AS CAN BE!

is wonderful when you can put on (the movie) Phantom of the Opera as loud as you dare (without hurting the speakers or your relationship with our neighbors) and sing along as you work.

Ethan has always enjoyed puzzles. He has been doing puzzles for quite some time, including the huge floor type puzzle with the train and the first car that has “Aa” on it and it goes all the way to “Zz” and by the time it’s done it stretches from the family room all the way to the front entry. We have always indulged his fondness for puzzles, and he has gotten pretty good at them. We have a whole cupboard of puzzles.

Saturday, I sat down to make some Totoros. My kids love the movie, “My Neighbor Totoro” and I thought that Hilary Lang’s Wee Bunny pattern could easily just be called a totoro as well as a bunny. If I were snazzier, I would be able to adapt it so that it looks JUST like a totoro, but I’m not that snazzy.? So I was starting out, and Ethan decided he wanted to do a puzzle. Not any puzzle, but the 100 piece, age 5+ yellow cement mixer puzzle (a photograph, not an illustration). We get it out occasionally, but it is pretty difficult, being mainly yellow, and green (the trees in the background) without a lot of variation on these two colors. The ones he usually does are in the 50-60 piece category with several bright colors (usually with characters on them) that are age 3+. Anyway, when we do the cement mixer, one of us usually sits down with him to do it also, because it definitely is too difficult for a 4 year old.

I was getting started on the totoros, and told him, “I can’t help, because I’m going to be making totoros.” and he was fine with that, so we both sat working, he at the kitchen table and me in the family room for about 15-20 minutes, in silence. I called out, “How’re you doing?” and he sighed and called back in a wan, frustrated voice, “This puzzle is very hard. I really need some help.”

“Ethan honey, I told you I wouldn’t be able to help, because I’m making totoros, remember?”

(weary:) “I know. (pause.) It is just very tricky, mommy.”

Of course, I gathered my stuff and carried it into the kitchen to help him / work on cutting out the totoro pieces. I was astonished with what I saw.. in 20 minutes, he had about 60% of the truck done. The wheels were all together, though separate from anything else, he had the entire back end of the truck (which I think is the hardest part, and I always do it last) and a couple of sections of the front worked together.

I was truly amazed. I expressed my astonishment and lavished on the praise for doing so well and he positively glowed. It was like I had flipped a switch. Instead of seeing how far he had to go, he saw just how much he had accomplished, and he got excited and very proud, and eager to keep working.

So the next half hour, I cut out pattern pieces and helped him now and then with the puzzle, and then together, we finished up the surrounding background pieces. Ethan very proudly showed James the puzzle when he came upstairs.

The next morning, we slept in a bit. Ethan usually gets up and goes and plays by himself on the weekends. James got up and went downstairs to see what Ethan was up to. He had taken the puzzle apart, and was just finishing up the last pieces. I was a little dubious, actually. Could he really do the whole thing by himself? I thought maybe he had just taken some of it aparat and James saw him putting that together, but I was WRONG. Later that afternoon, with me sitting next to him sewing away on totoros, he completely destroyed the puzzle, making extra careful that every piece was disconnected, and then started working away on it again. And again, he did every piece by himself.

Judging from when Ethan usually wakes up and when James went downstairs and found him, we figure it took him about an hour to get to the 75% point where James sat down and helped with the finishing touches. When he did it again that afternoon, it took him about 45 minutes.

I am still flabbergasted that he did this puzzle – not so much that he COULD do it. The boy has been working on puzzles for a long time now, and he really does know the HOWs of it all, but he would have the patience and determination to keep at it until it was finished. I am so proud of him I could just burst.

_________

I took the kids in to school today, which is a juxtaposition from what usually happens – James takes them in every other day of the week, and I pick them up. Fridays, I drop off, and James picks up. It’s the only day I get to actually see their main teachers, because by the time I pick them up, they’ve already gone and it’s the more general caretakers in charge.

We got to Ethan’s room today, and he ran right in to start playing with the Legos. His teacher was leaning on the door, and I asked how he’s been doing.

“He loves the blocks,” Mrs. M. said, “I put them out in the morning just for him. He is doing very, very good. He is so smart. So intelligent. He tries very hard. He was a little sad the first few weeks of school, I think because he didn’t know any of the other children, but now, now he is playing with the others. He is doing very well.”

She showed me a project they did of picture of themselves with a family member. Ethan did himself with Jocelyn. They cut out fabric and glued it onto the paper. She showed how he cut out very small pieces to make the details on the legs and shoes.

“See these small pieces he did? I was very impressed. He is very patient, VERY determined, which is very unusual for this age. He is a very smart boy.”

I told her how the puzzle and she agreed that it was impressive. Being that I’m only around my son, and of course, I’m horribly biased, I do wonder if some of the things he does actually are advanced for his age or am I just being motherish about it all. It’s nice to hear that it’s not just all in my head.

Today is going to be a WONDERFUL day.

– amy, wallet schmallet – I AM RAISING A GENIUS!

… I still don’t have the new IG album!!

Let’s see. What do I NOT have..

A driver’s license. But I will have a replacement in approximately 5 business days.
A social security card. I need to do something about that.
A debit card. New ones in 7-10 business days.
Several credit cards. New ones in 7-10 business days.
Many many many many many assorted receipts from Target, Safeway and Costco. Those, I don’t miss.

On the plus side, there has been no activity on any of our accounts… that we haven’t initiated. This is so very very good.

I don’t even have the ability to buy the new album on amazon, because the credit card accounts have now been closed and new numbers have not yet been forthcoming, and the debit card number has been shut down. I don’t know what that one was anyway.

One good thing is I don’t have to close our checking account. That would have been SUCH a big pain in the ass. The nice lady at USAA said that as long as I keep on top of the activity in the account, we should be ok. The checks that are gone have been blocked, so the only danger is if someone tries something fancy with the routing number and the checking account number. Which I will be WATCHING for! I also put a security alert on my credit report (because I’m dumb and had my SS card in my wallet, once again, I SUCK), so that if anyone tries to do anything, they have to call me first. At least, that’s what I think happens. It’s been a long day.

Honestly, I think it is still in the “lost” category, and not the “stolen” category. But I have spent a great deal of energy and time pestering employees, that if it hasn’t moved out of the lost category by now, it’s going to stay there, or eventually be in the stolen category.
2 things that really suck … And by “really suck”, I mean, after all the super suckiness above..

1. I had that wallet for close to 7 years, and it was the best wallet I’ve ever owned. My mom bought it for me at Nordstrom’s for $50. I would never have spent that much for a wallet, but if you take that 50 bucks and divide it by every day I used it for the last 7 years, I would have to say it was a steal. This is a trick a friend of mine uses to justify spending money. She just hollers, “DIVIDE IT BY THE DAY!” and charges it. It really does make sense though. If you love and use something a lot, it IS worth it. I’ve learned that in the last 7 years at least.
2. I still don’t have the new IG album. James stopped on his way home from class to get me a copy, but no dice. But I am going to go steal James’ debit card here as soon as I hit publish, and order the damn thing already.
3. Third (just pretend I said 3 things up there), now that I’ve gotten past all the sucky all-your-personal-shit-is-gone stuff, I really really really want some of those shoes/boots I tried on at TJ Maxx. Seriously. They were cute as hell and cheap to boot. (Get it? BOOT! Oh I kill myself.) As soon as I get access to money in one of the conventional ways, I’m going to go buy some. TJ Maxx, I’ll see YOU in 7-10 business days!

– amy has to get back to her Project Runway Season 2 marathon since THERE WAS NO PR LAST NIGHT OH THE INSANITY HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO CONTINUE TO LIVE!!! It’s a good thing I have a backup PR fix ready, or I may have collapsed. Disc 3 has arrived – “Designers! Up until now, you’ve all f**king sucked.”

yesterday the new indigo girls album came out.

I attempted to pick it up yesterday, along with the new boots and the diapers and the new firetruck shoes and the wipes that needed to be obtained at target, but we were running very late and target’s music selection isn’t really all that great.

ig = negative.
sore feet = affirmative
kids to bed late = affirmative

so today i met some friends for lunch, afterwhich i tried to find the album at borders and then best buy. borders had 10 copies, but it took 2 sales associates to track them down. They didn’t have the collector’s edition (with alternate tracks on disc 2) which I wanted. best buy didn’t have anything.

ig = negative
being helped profusively = affirmative

so then i popped in the car and thought, why not, i’m already over here, and drove over to tower records. after a quick check of the new releases display and the IG slot, i got someone to look it up for me where i learned that Tower Records is actually in bankruptcy and all their deliveries have been disrupted and so sorry, they don’t have it.

ig = negative
being helped profusively = more affirmative (people are so nice, really!)

so on my way back to my car, there was a tj maxx, which my mom is always going on about, and i have stepped into maybe one time in my life. She was talking about these very expensive Le Cruset pots that I’ve always secretly coveted and how they were exceedingly cheap at the Maxx, so I decided, what the hell, I’d go poke my nose in. A wended my way through the children’s section (nice costumes) (wow, they sell toys?) to the back where they had exactly one Le Cruset kettle, and then was making my way back to the exit in front when I was diverted to the shoes. I went over and checked it out.

Up until this time, I did not so much as pick up anything. Just looked, and fairly briefly at that. However, when I got to the shoes, I actually stopped, looked, and started to pick out some shoes and try them on. It was only after I had to drop the 3 pairs of boots/shoes to try to zip up a 4th, that I looked down at the floor at all the shit I’d dropped and realized that my wallet was NOT AMONG THEM.

ig = negative, but i wasn’t even really trying to find it there
losing my wallet = sadly, AFFIRMATIVE

i suck. i suck i suck i suck. maybe YOU never lose your wallet, or keys, or very important items, but I do, with a startling frequency. I am surprised I haven’t had a heart attack yet, because this feeling really sucks. I can feel my heart beating rapidly, that panicked feeling in my gut, and then it all increases about 10 fold when I contemplate when/how I’ll have to tell james. “hi. i suck. i suck i suck i suck i suck.”

i really suck.

I went back over every inch of the 2 places I’d stood while looking at shoes. I retraced my steps over the whole store. I went back to Tower Records and inquired there. I retraced my steps, including going back to the bathroom and making sure I hadn’t left it on the sink (which I’ve done before). But in actuality, I KNEW that I had it when I walked into TJ Maxx, and since I had picked up NOTHING until I got to the shoes, IT HAD TO BE THERE.

But it wasn’t. I inquired with about 4 of the sales associates (because just because one hasn’t heard anything about a lost wallet, doesn’t mean a different one hasn’t). They have my name and number in case it turns up.

After searching with the cold knot of dread in my stomach, I finally left with the dim hope that maybe I hadn’t carried it in afterall, maybe it was still back in my car nestled safely in my purse.

It wasn’t.

I’ve called and put a hold on my credit cards just to be sure. I have a lot of experience in ‘lost wallets’. With all my ‘lost wallet’ experience, I have never permanently lost my wallet.

This time I have a bad feeling like maybe it is going to stay lost.

And that will suck.

Now I can’t even order the damn IG album (collector’s edition!) online.

ig = negative
me wanting to shove a chopstick in my ear to stop myself from further acts of idiocy = affirmative

Cross your fingers and toes for me.

1. Knobs are good. Knobs are wonderful. I love me some knob.
2. Gas out in the sticks is much cheaper than gas closer to the city. BEHOLD!Merrifield, VA, about .1 miles from the beltway:
   
   Bristow, VA, about 30 miles from the beltway and .1 miles from my house:

   And that’s not even counting the 3 cent discount if you swipe your safeway card! I BOUGHT GAS FOR UNDER $2 YESTERDAY! AMAZING!While I am overcome with cheap(er) gas giddiness, I am actually kind of sad also. High gas prices = bigger demand for alternative fuel technology.

3. Costco has gotten all weird. BEHOLD!
   Strangely shaped milk containers!
4. I have given in to the Project Runway obsession and put Season 2 on my netflix list. I’m watching them again and listening to Tim Gunn’s podcast for that season for the first time. This season of podcasts is much better, longer in length and he seems to give more insight, but I still love the podcasts. I may or may not also have ripped the episodes into ipod friendly format. I may or may not share them with you if you wish. You may or may not email me at amy at crazymokes dot com if you want some PR video ipod love. I may or definitely WILL delete this part since it may or may not be illegal. I’ve watched disk 1, disk 2 is waiting for me to watch tonight, and Netflix has promised that disk 3 will be waiting in my mailbox when I get home.
5. I heart Tim Gunn.
6. I also heart the super cute pink cowboy boots I got Jocelyn at Target yesterday and would like a pair for myself. I don’t even like pink. But I love those boots. I need to get me some fall/winter boot lovin. James learned from one of his podcasts, that apparently a sure-fire way to get your credit card frozen, is to buy gas, buy gas again, and then buy a pair of shoes. Because apparently, when teenagers steal a credit card, first they fill up their tank, their friend’s tank, and then go buy shoes. I must be a teenager at heart, because I think if I stole a credit card, that’s probably exactly what I’d do too. Except the friend’s tank. Screw them. Let them steal their own credit card. We’re going to test it out. Because who doesn’t love to get their credit card frozen? HOW FUN!
7. This is my reminder to write about last Saturday the Saturday before last where I went a photography-ing and a road-tripping. I’ll give you a hint about what all went down. Linda and I ALMOST brought home a souvenir from Virginia Beach.
   His name was Ryan.
8. Are you dying of curiosity now? GOOD!

Now that I’ve piqued your interest, I’ll smooch you on the forehead and wave buh-bye.

MMMMMMMMWAH!