Just in case anyone else listens to the Dawn and Drew show, I have been keeping this page updated. An audio comment I called in was on the show I listened to this morning, wheeee! And of course, I called in again this morning. I sometimes wonder if I am the most frequent caller-in-er. Probably not. I go for stretches when I don’t call, and then I call call call call. (Ahem. This morning. Yesterday afternoon.)
If you are wondering who Dawn and Drew are, check them out. Very entertaining podcast!

so this past weekend has been a busy busy one. I actually dreamed Saturday morning that it was halloween night and I hadn’t made Jocelyn’s costume, and couldn’t find her boots and the people that opened the door to her were like, “Uhhh… what is she supposed to be?” James said it sounded like those dreams he has of not finishing his homework in time. Ergh. – Random tangent. Whenever I was sick and had those messed up feverish dreams in high school, I was always doing math problems. Trying to solve for X, what was X? Lines and lines of working out the 2 sides of an algebraic problem trying to find x in that weird dreaming state where everything is surreal and yet you can feel the pencil gripped tightly in your hand as you cancel out the +2 on both sides, etc. You would think this means that algebra was my worst nightmare, but the opposite was true. I love math. Tangent over.

So this weekend I made Jocelyn’s costume, broke my sewing machine (it is now “out of timing” according to the repairman) had to hand sew the last bits, made gingerbread cookies for Ethan’s class, along with other non-time-pertinent things. We all went to Costco (where miraculously, Ethan NOR Jocelyn saw the rows and rows of toys and demanded to be driven down them) to get more floor padding stuff to go under the laminate flooring in the basement, which I am finally trying to get going on again. There is a sad corner of about 6′ by 3′ that is started on. It is going to be a pain in the ass just because of how much shit we have in that room. Not really anywhere to move it to, so it’s tricky. The nice thing about laminate is as soon as part of it is laid, you can put stuff on it right away. I just need to get some done so some stuff can be moved over onto it to make room for the rest of the floor to be laid. It’s a catch 22.

Anyway, I was all nervous about remembering the items that needed to get done for Halloween and the kids’ school “Masquerade” party. This is because I guess Halloween is evil and they don’t want to celebrate it. So instead, they make masks and have a party the DAY BEFORE HALLOWEEN. That’s right. THe party was Monday. When did I think it was? Today, of course. HALLOWEEN. Ergh. So even though we HAD the cookies all made for Ethan’s party (gingerbread cookie cutouts no less, not just drop cookies) and HAD the bag of candy for Jocelyn’s party (someone else had already signed up for cupcakes, so I grabbed candy), I thought the party was on Tuesday. And so nothing went in to school. Ethan was sad that there weren’t any cookies at his class party. Jocelyn was kind of oblivious, and kept calling the bag of candy, “MY BIRTHDAY PARTY! I WANT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!” (“You mean your MASQUERADE PARTY CANDY, honey.” “YEAH! MY PARTY CANDY! MY BIRTHDAY PARTY CANDY!” Bah.)

Anyway. Kind of bummed. After the kids were in bed, and we had watched 2 fraking episodes of Battlestar Galactica (we’re still on season 1), I sighed.

me: “I can’t beleive the parties were today. I mean, I made cookies! I bought candy! You would think the damn party would be tomorrow, ON HALLOWEEN.”

james: “Yeah. That sucks.”

me: *sigh* “I’m a bad mother.”

james: *flips a page in his magazine.*

me: *glares at him*

james: *totally oblivious. FINALLY looks up. sees me looking at him.*

me: *gives him a more obvious glare, that says, “welllllll?”*

james: *the cogs finally start to turn in his head* finally he blurts out, “You’re not a bad mother.”

me: *glancing down at my pretend watch on my wrist*

james: *blush*

me: “You are fired.”

Well it has been a rough few weeks, and I haven’t really written about it here. Actually, mostly because I just have not had a lot of time to write. But especially because I am have had a very good week, I wanted to check in on the project skinny stuff.

When we last left our heroine (that’s me!), she was sick for the weekend and thus, had a big loss. She was nervous that the whole starvation diet that sickness threw her into would not make that loss a maintainable one for the next week. HOWEVER! She managed to maintain! No loss, just maintain. The NEXT week, however, had a friday lunch at a chinese buffet place, bunko hosted at her house, and a grilling event also hosted at her house. There was gaining. So what did our heroine do?!? First off, she’s going to stop refering to herself in the third person, because while it was fun at first, it’s becoming a pain in her ass.

I buckled down and WORKED, baby. The weigh-in after being a social butterfly was not a good one, at +5 lbs. I am happy to say that this morning, I weighed in at -4.5 lbs. YAY ME! Now, that is a little much to lose in one week, but honestly, I don’t care. I will take it, and I’m going to keep working my butt off. Seriously, I have like a 10 pound threshold that I need to cross. When I was doing this last year this time, I would get up to that 10 lb mark and then it was gain lose gain lose gain lose never getting anywhere until I tossed in the towel. Same thing in the spring. Getting past the 10 lb point is a major milestone for me, and I’m feeling good baby. Next week, I want to see the total loss to be TWELVE! That’s right, I thumb my nose at you, Halloween! I can do it anyway!

– amy misses project runway already.

psst.

hi.

how are you?

I am good. The household, however, is falling into sickness.

First, it was Jocelyn. She woke up around midnight friday night with a fever. Saturday morning she spoke in a whisper all day, despite my attempts to get her to “use your normal voice.” Her glands were as big as basketballs, and the fever re-emerged around noon, so after her nap, I took her to the doctor, who looked her over and gave us a prescription for amoxicilan.

She’s doing better now, thank you.

Now however, James is sick. He felt woozy last night, went to bed at 9pm, and stayed home from work today.

Ethan better not be next.

And I sure as hell better stay WELL. Despite the fact that I stayed up til midnight and am guzzling diet coke (2 things I never do when Sickness is just Waiting To Pounce) I’m feeling pretty good. I’d like to keep it that way.

I’ve completed the baby dress for Tamara and Andrew’s baby (due in February) and let me tell you, it is sooooo super cute. I’m only a little nervous that it may be too small. This is one garment the baby will be able to wear right away.

Next I started on a cute little open weave hat out of the Happy Hooker’s book. I started out making it for Jocelyn, but decided it was for me (it will be too big for her anyway). I’ll have to make another one for her and figure out how to downsize it a bit. Except she could really use a WARM hat, and this one is definitely not a warm cozy hat. So I’ll have to pick a warm patterm to make for her.

Anyway. This was just a quick hi.

Hi!

The downside of having a new hobby (hi, that would be craftyness, more specifically this week, crochet) is not much time for internet-ness. But I’ll try to write more this week.

-amy

…when I came home and found this on our answering machine.

powered by ODEO

I knew it would turn up. (OK, so I’d given it up as gone forever, a girl can pretend, can’t she?)

But I don’t. So you’re stuck with this blurry camera phone photo (clickity click to see the big version):

My latest batch of marble push-pins. We have a ton of marble magnets on our fridge, but I really needed more pins for my board at work. Push pins seem to be a hot commodity around here, because I couldn’t find any in the supply closet. What a great reason to make my own!
THE GLORIOUSNESS OF ASPHALT

A new road, which they have been working on FOR EV ER finally opened yesterday. James and I were buzzing like little bees over the flashing sign they put up to alert everyone that a new traffic pattern would be in effect Tuesday. Tuesday morning came – the road was STILL CLOSED. I was torqued. James was torqued. All of our (meager) conversation that day was how mad we were that they LIED and it WAS NOT OPEN.

But then! Lo! The heavens opened! And the new road was open upon our arrival home!

It usually takes James 30-40 minutes to take the detour to the kids’ school in the mornings to drop off. This morning, 15-20 minutes. It usually takes me 20-30 minutes to get to I-66 through the stop and go traffic. This morning, 10 minutes.

Now if they would only finish 66. It’s insane. They are so close to being done. JUST FINISH IT ALREADY!

DVD MUST HAVE

I think it’s about time we cough up the $17 bucks and purchase one of these:

That’s right folks, a DVD rewinder.

Just THINK of all the time you will have when you don’t have to rewind those damn DVDs yourself anymore.

That is all. I bid you adieu.

– amy says, “A-doo.”

i feel like there’s so much to catch up on when I don’t post for a while. and i have to have scads and scads of time in order to post “properly”. and then i get into a huge downward cycle because I don’t really have scads of time, and if i don’t detail how i spent each of my days in blissful ignorance of the internet and this website and blah blah blah then i’m a bad blogger person and who needs that kind of pressure?

So i’m taking this few seconds of time, and posting anyway! (the moral of this story is i need to post regularly!)

1. Ethan said on the way home today, “Do you realize that I can …” I don’t remember the rest of the sentence. I was boggling that he used “realize” correctly. The boy is four. Do you realize the boy is four? The mind boggles.

2. Jocelyn says “poop” for both peeing and pooping. She was sitting at the table eating dinner last night and announced that she was going poop. I doubted it, but thought the poop must be on it’s way. I finally convinced her to try sitting on the potty when I realized that she had probably peed while sitting at the table. We obviously need to work on differentiating between #1 and #2. It’s kind of funny because we’ve had no success in peeing on the potty whatsoever, but she’s managed to poop a couple of times. This is the exact opposite of how it worked for Ethan, who was in underwear and peeing in the potty with ease, but would not poop anywhere except in his diaper, at naptime or in the morning before the nighttime diaper came off.

3. Because Jocelyn was sitting on the potty, all of a sudden Ethan realized that HE needed to go, and I told him he’d have to go upstairs. So off he went, and after I gave up on Jocelyn, I went up to check on him (I was feeling pretty frazzled and spoke curtly to him, so I wanted to make sure he was doing all right). He was sitting on the toilet and he asked me to stay with him so I sat on the edge of the tub while he pooped.

“Sometimes the poop comes right out Mommy. Sometimes it doesn’t though. If it doesn’t come out, even after you wait a bit, then you have to poop hard. I can poop REALLY hard, mommy. I’m a great hard pooper.”

Sometimes you just hear yourself say things like, “You sure are, you are a fantastic pooper.” before you even realize it. And then you sort of float up above yourself and look down and laugh.

4. After the non-pooping on the potty last night, when we got Jocelyn up this morning, she was poopy. She had pooped in her diaper sometime during the night. ARGH.

5. I was sick over the weekend. I’m doing much better now, but Friday night I went to bed with that feeling that I was not going to be healthy the next day. And sure enough, I was not. It was just a cold, but it was a cold from hell. I spent the morning on the couch, but then moved back upstairs to bed and dozed off and on the rest of the day with about 50 lbs of blankies on me. Poor James had to entertain the kids, direct the carpet cleaners, entertain the kids some more, and get them all into bed, because I was pretty much out of it. Sunday there was much less fever, but a pounding headache still most of the day along with the sore throat and weird high stuffed up sinuses (the nose was clear, it was higher up. I know that sounds weird. I can’t explain it any better except think behind the eyeballs/cheekbones.)

5.5 Getting our carpets cleaned was the best $100 bucks we’ve ever spent. We are so doing this every 6 months. I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. James wanted to. I held back. I have no idea why. Because I am INSANE. James, you were right. So, so right. I was so very very wrong. Hold this over me at your leisure, for years and years to come. OH JOYOUS CLEAN CARPETS!

6. The only good thing about being sick is not worrying about WW points. in fact, on saturday i was afraid from time to time i was going to lose the small bits of food i did eat. Monday’s weigh in showed a loss of 3.5 lbs, for a TOTAL loss of 10.5 lbs. While it is cool to have hit that 10 lb milestone, I know it’s because of the near fast for Saturday and Sunday.. and that means that I probably just lost muscle, which is never good. I’m not sure what this will mean for this week. Does the body try to compensate? Will it go into starvation mode and save every little thing I eat? I guess we’ll see. I will be happy if I merely maintain this week, though of course, having a loss will be nice too. So… I guess I am cautiously enthusiastic. I am out of the 260s! That is cause for celebration! I want to STAY out!

7. work is very busy. I am so behind on blog reading lately. I *think* i’m caught up on people I actually know (have actually met in real life) but the rest of my blogroll is woefully neglected. maybe tomorrow night I can read through it. I love reading blogs, so it will be nice to settle in for some reading.

8. Craftiness has turned to crocheting. I bought the sweetest little crochet dress pattern, and am crocheting it for the little lady expected in this household sometime in February. I thought when I bought it, that it would take a while, but it is going surprisingly fast. I think I’ll be done this next weekend. I would like to learn how to knit. I went to a knitting group tonight, taking my crochet project with me, and I must say, the knitting talk was fairly intimidating. I can’t wrap my head around how knitting actually WORKS. Crocheting is very easy to understand (at least in my mind) but knitting is a complete mystery. Guess we’ll see, after this crochet project. The ladies at the group were great. It’s too bad they meet on days when James is usually in class. Today he had off, I think because of Columbus day. maybe next semester he’ll have Tuesdays off and I can go regularly. I need one closer to home though. Time to look around. Maybe start my own?

9. Monday I had off, and I met James and Kurt for lunch. where I realized, that the dull throbbing headache I had ( and had the day before, and the day before ) was probably NOT a result of the illness invading my body. It was actually caffeine withdrawal. Last week I realized the diet coke situation was getting out of hand (i’m ashamed to say how much I was consuming) and cut down drastically. Monday, I sat in the restaurant looking at James and Kurt’s caffeinated beverages and it struck me like a 24 case of Diet Coke, that gee, maybe this headache was from the no caffeine! When my body is used to getting it! Daily! I mused on whether Day 3 of no caffeine would be near the end of the withdrawal symptoms, or maybe only halfway through, and maybe I should push through the withdrawal symptoms, but after deliberating on it through the rest of the meal, I decided I didn’t care because I don’t actually want to give it up, just cut it down to a normal amount. So, I got a diet coke right as we were finishing up. It had a lot of ice, and it was a normal sized glass, so probably about 8 oz of DC in there.

And by the time I got home, my headache was gone.

10. I’m totally swimming around in the gloriousness of NewsRadio on DVD from Netflix. The cast was so good. the writers were so good. the show was SO FUNNY! I love every character on that show. It’s so rare to find an actual FUNNY ensemble cast. usually it’s got a few stars, and then supporting cast members. I keep thinking of WKRP, which my mother loved when I was little, and as a result, I’ve seen every episode (multiple times!) – that was another great ensemble cast. Another one – Coupling on the BBC. Definitely check that one out. I still hold that it is the funniest thing that is/has been on TV. EVER!! but yeah, love me some NewsRadio. And the commentaries are pretty insightful as well.

OK. I’m done. That was much longer than a few seconds. And I think I even got out all that has been on my mind. It feels so good to just have a good mind vomit!

-amy just lets the wookie win.

I was born in Mountain View, CA, but my family moved when I was about 6 weeks old to Loveland, Colorado where we lived until I was eight years old. My dad was then transfered to Washington state, so we moved to the nice town of Marysville, Washington. We moved to a 5 bedroom house with a basement I can’t clearly remember (was it finished? did i rollerskate on the concrete down there? Or was that in Colorado?), a “pickleball” court (how this is at all different from a tennis court I can’t tell you), a pool, and a beautiful woods with a stream beyond our back fence. With 6 children, it was a small house, but offered so much (hello! did you hear me say pool?!) that my parents took it. My younger sister Susan and I doubled up, and my brothers James and Joe did also. The two eldest siblings got their own room, Larry and Ellen. When Ellen went off to college, Susan and I moved up to her room, and our old room became my Dad’s office.

I remember when we first arrived at the house. Hewlett Packard was moving us, so we stayed in the Everett Pacific Hotel until the moving van arrived, which I remember as taking forever, for some reason. We kids had not seen the house, so my folks took us to at least go see the house (we didn’t have the key yet). We were wandering all over the yard, and I was fascinated by the pool. It was uncovered, and I remember dipping my toes to feel the temperature, and then without warning, I was in the pool, water up to my chest. Fully clothed. I have no idea what happened, but my mother is still convinced that I did it on purpose. Because everyone I know LOVES TO PAD AROUND IN SOGGY CLOTHES AND SHOES. FOR AN HOUR. I think the story that I did it on purpose was solidified because in the summertime, I lived in the pool and became quite the brown little fish-girl.

I was super lucky that next door housed a girl my age, and Heidi and I became best friends. We were inseparable, and played together all the time. I wish I could remember the elaborate stories our active imaginations conjured up, because they were something. Strawberry shortcake, Barbie, playing in the woods, playing in the pool, climbing into and eating ourselves sick in Heidi’s cherry tree were all pleasant ways we passed the time.

When I was twelve, we moved again, though this time I’m not exactly sure of the reason. The new house was much bigger, and had a good bit of land. My mom would have room for a proper music studio, and my dad had not only an office, but a dark room for his photography. My younger sister and I would FINALLY get our own rooms, so we were excited for the move, plus it wasn’t far. We moved to Snohomish (sno-HOME-ish) Washington, about 25 minutes away, where I remember being very distraught over having to go “BACK” to elementary school, whereas in Marysville, 6th graders were in middle school. I was ever so slighted to not have a locker and only having 1 teacher, 1 classroom, etc.

Heidi and I still stayed in contact, but we didn’t see each other often. I remember one time that first year, she invited me to sleep over, and I was so excited. Oh the games we would play! Oh the fun we would have! I arrived, all set to play, but all Heidi wanted to do was put on makeup, paint finger- and toenails, and gab about boys. I was so disappointed- no, not even disappointed, more like SHOCKED, and for the first time, I realized that I wasn’t a little girl anymore. I hadn’t really understood any of the girls in my new school, and it was because even though they were “still” in elementary school, they had crossed that bridge from girlhood to teenager-hood, whereas I still did not care about boys, still played with my Barbie dolls, and loved a good romp through the woods in search of unicorns. Hell, I still want to go romping through the woods looking for unicorns.

I think it wasn’t for a year or two that I actually felt like I wasn’t a little girl anymore, and I always felt like I had to “act” around other girls. I remember just sort of wandering through the motions at this point in my young life. I don’t know if that is normal for that age, or if it was just me, but I readily adopted gestures, speech patterns, sayings, etc. of my friends around me, because I really wasn’t sure who I was, or how to behave, what to do, what I liked, what I was ALLOWED to like, or would be deemed too babyish. This teenager gig was tough. It was a complete mystery to me that one day, these girls just decided they weren’t going to “play” anymore, when the truth was, it was probably a gradual process for them. It just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t until I went to a summer campish event, BYU’s Theatre Workshop (where I met the lovely Linda for the first time) that I actually felt like I came alive, and started LIVING, started BEING myself, instead of just wandering around, just being.

But that is a post for another day.

-amy peeks in the closet for any hiding pegasus-unicorns

THE WEEKEND

was wonderful. The lovely Linda came down for the weekend and much was discussed. I held her hostage, forced her to cut halloween decorations and trace dollie patterns, working her like a slave with only gruel & water butternut squash risotto and beer in exchange. And then I FORCED her to sit out in the sun on our deck and read the paper. The news of our executive branch of government alone could have killed her. I AM BRUTAL!

THE KIDS

are cute as punch. I can’t think of any stories now, except perhaps when Ethan asked Daddy to color something in on the kid’s menu at Bertucci’s. When Daddy declined, Ethan heaved a sigh as if to say, “Oh bother, why can’t ANYONE DO WHAT I ASK THEM?!!! OH THE HORROR!” ok so i did think of a cute story.

THE WEIGH IN

was a success with another 1.5 lbs gone. I am scared. I know I thought that it was hard getting back into this, but if you’ve been reading this blog, or the archives at all, you will have seen a trend. A trend of me being ALL GUNG HO! I CAN DO IT! YAY ME! and then petering out around, hmm… when was it?? OH RIGHT, RIGHT ABOUT THIS POINT IN THE JOURNEY. I don’t wnat that to happen. I AM NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN. I *think* that I’ve had a couple hard weeks in the last month, but I know I’m heading striaght into the place in my head where I am really going to want to just toss in the towel. I need to keep my game face on. I HAVE to keep my head in the game. NO COMPLACENCY. Just because I made it this far (gee, a whole 7 lbs) doesn’t mean that I can relax, because apparently, whenever I relax, I lose my willpower.

I have not yet begun to fight!! BRING IT ON!

Um….

But not too much. K?

THE WORK STUFF

I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary at work, and was idly wondering about the usual evaluation/review stuff that goes on. So I looked it up on the HR site and found out I was supposed to have one halfway into my 6 month probation period (never happened). And that they don’t do them on the employee’s anniversary date, but in jan or july, depending on that anniversary date. Soooooo… to make a long story short, I was supposed to be reviewed in July, and so I’ll probably be reviewed sometime this month to make up for it, and if I get a raise it will be retroactive to July.

I’ve already spent it in my head on booze and hos.

THE TV STUFF (no spoilers, just for you Hilly! Even though you’re probably caught up by now)

I JUST NOW watched last week’s project runway. I was DYING with anticipation. OMG I love that show. I can’t wait to see the reunion show this week. We also watched the 2 new episodes of The Office. Excellent. Love love love that show. Still need to watch Gilmore Girls, which I just can’t bring myself to watch because I know it will make me so sad – I may build up a few shows so that I can watch them all in a row and hopefully end on a happy note. Also need to watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Love Aaron Sorkin. Own the Sports Night (GO PUT IT ON YOUR NETFLIX LIST!) DVDs. West Wing was awesome until Sorkin left. this is probably our most anticipated show this season.

And that’s really it as far as our/my tv watching goes.

Um. this was supposed to be quick and short. I’m off to bed.

-amy tosses salt over her shoulder.

My new Indigo Girls album has arrived, Despite Our Differences.

I’m so happy! I don’t know why. I didn’t really get all excited about the last…. 4 or 5 releases. Not since Shaming of the Sun. I was living in Atlanta at the time and there was quite a lot of publicity on that release. I stood in line at Tower or some such and got it signed by the girls. It was fun.

I have all the other albums of course. But one of them I found while thumbing through the IG section at a store and not recognizing the album cover. Some fan *I* am! Not even knowing that there had been a release! So really, I am not sure why I’m excited about this one, but I am. I blame Linda, who’s hyped it all up for me (and by “hyped” I mean, “mentioned more than once”).

It’s nice to be back in that place though, that place where listening to the girls make me feel warm and fuzzy.

It got me thinking about music and stuff. Isn’t it funny how there are some albums that you know by heart, and love more than anything, but it doesn’t necessarily fit into your musical tastes. For example, I own and love The Best of the Doobie Brothers. Love love love it. Dance with me momma all night long! I think this is because my older sister had it when I was a girl and it’s just something I grew up with. I don’t think that I would love it as much as I do, if I had never heard it until later. I am sure I wouldn’t, it definitely isn’t in my typical musical taste. Cat Stevens is in this category, as well as a few America songs – I have one album of theirs just for “Horse with no name” (which by the way, makes great kid listening music).

I am not a huge audiophile. I am in awe of folks who are. I had a friend, whom we’ll just call ‘shoeshine boy’ who I was able to just describe a song I heard on the radio once A FEW YEARS BEFORE and loved, not remembering ANY of the words, just the way they made me feel, who after 5 minutes of hearing me ramble, said, “Ben Harper” and sure enough it was Ben Harper’s “Faded” from The Will to Live album. I basically listen to the radio (alternative/modern rock) and am fairly undiscriminating. As long as they can sing and aren’t too heavy, I will generally like it. My husband James is into the heavier stuff, and it’s a good thing the guy in Metallica can actually SING, because his favorite had been one of those screecher hair bands that can’t sing, just screech, we probably wouldn’t be married.
And that’s another thing. I don’t know about anyone else.. but I need some time to connect with a new album to really love it. I spent time with, totally bonded and connected with that Ben Harper album. I own all his other albums as well (except the latest one) but haven’t really spent the time to get to know them as well, and therefore don’t adore them as I do The Will to Live. Another example is the Wonder Stuff (which is probably the only time I’ll list a band and you’ll go, “huh? who’s that?” because i’m not very non-mainstream, honestly, i’m not) whose “Never Loved Elvis” album is in my top 10. And yet, I don’t really care for any of the others. I just haven’t gotten into them.

While waiting for my album to arrive from Amazon, Linda pointed out how some folks will say I am not missing much. I asked Linda what SHE thought of it, and the way she put it was perfect. “I have loved them for 17 years. It’s like a marriage now. I will always love them, even if I have to work at it.” (Sorry if I messed that up Linda.)

She’s right. It’s time I reconnect with the girls instead of just remembering “the good old times” (rites of passage, swamp ophelia, 1200 curfews).I skipped around until I found the song that made me cry when I saw them in concert, which was “Lay Me Down”. I turned it up as far as I could, and it made me cry again. here’s part of it:

Why can’t I let go of the feeling
That I’m lost somehow
Just a ghost looking in
Out of my own life just visiting
In search of a body to have and to hold and to keep and to sleep
I wanna lay my head down on you
Because you’re the only solid thing in this room
A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

To me, this song is about losing that connection. Losing the connection to others around you. Feeling like a stranger in a room of friendly acquaintances. Looking around the room at Bunko and wondering if you really are this person, sitting in this room. Wondering if you can just be Amy, and not the wallet-loser, Not the wife. Not the mother. Not the Web Designer/Editor. Not the bill-payer. Not the appointment-maker. And who exactly is amy? She doesn’t feel like this person, this life. Wondering how you got to be in this place in your life. Do these labels fit me? Mother, wife, responsible adult. I feel like a ghost looking in on this life. I need to connect, I need to anchor, I need to lay my head down on you, because if I don’t I may drift away because I don’t know how to fit into this life, this world, this house, this perception that people have of me.. I need to connect or you will just be another mishmash of songs that are vaguely familiar, by voices that I loved once, or still do, but in another form, another album.

And so, I settle in to connect with this album. I pore over the words as they flood over me. I will make the effort to connect, just as you have to in a marriage.

And it’s like falling in love all over again.