First off, happy first (ok, today is his second) day of new job, James!

2. We didn’t go see the panda. The tickets I had procured were pretty early. We live a fair ways away from the national zoo (hello northern Virginia suburbs!) We would have had to get up crazy early. So when all of a sudden I realized that WE WERE GOING TO GET SNOW last weekend, the conversation went something like this:

me: so. the panda. we’re going to have to get up early.
james: yeah. very early.
me: yup. early early early.
both of us: ….
me: so you know, it is supposed to snow this weekend!
james: SNOW! wow, gee, we wouldn’t want to go out and get caught in the snow.
me: nope, we definitely wouldn’t. and you know we have to wait in line to see the panda, we wouldn’t want our kids waiting in line outside in the freezing cold snow.
james: nope, wouldn’t want that.
both of us: we’d better not go.

Yeah. So, maybe next time. When it’s not so early. And so freaking cold.

3. We DID get SNOW! YAY! And did you know that Target has SWIMMING SUITS ON DISPLAY and have had them on display since JANUARY? I’ve been meaning to post a big ???!&#$*#&@???? about that and have forgotten. We don’t need short sleeve craziness YET, Target, so just CHILL OUT with your swimming suits and your pool toys and your sidewalk chalk and your bubbles and beach balls. JEEPERS!

So yeah, I’m bitter, because I can’t find my kids snow boots anywhere. Grrrr. Anyway, it started snowing late Saturday afternoon, snowed all night, and we had about a foot, or maybe a bit more, Sunday morning. It was all done snowing by then, which is what I call a PERFECT SNOW STORM! I took the kids out and we all played/ shoveled in the snow, then James came out, and I went in and he kept shoveling and the kids kept playing. I popped my head out to ask the kids if they wanted to come in, but they were having a blast. Despite the icicles wedged in between their soaking wet socks and their sneakers, because they don’t have snow boots. Jocelyn loved to gingerly lay herself down in the snow and make snow angels, though it took a few times of showing her how to move her arms and legs for her to catch on. Ethan loved to climb up the snow hills all the shoveling created and slide down them. I loved sitting inside with a cup of tea watching from the couch with my feet in slippers. Yesterday, I was in serious pain from the shoveling, the “you didn’t lift with your knees” sort of aching sore back muscles pain. Thankfully, it seems to be all gone today.

Oh, the back/ neck muscles weren’t just sore from the shoveling (i am a wuss, but not that much of a wuss). Ethan threw a tantrum at one point on Friday and as I was handing him off to his father, he punched me in the side OF THE NECK. I mean he really got me. DAMN it hurt, and DAMN it totally wonkified my whole spinal column. So yesterday, I was still dealing with the weird neck issues (I haven’t wanted to go see a chiropractic so badly in my life*) and then with the back muscles it was just too much. Again – today, feels like everything is spit-spot.

* Actually not true, I was probably in much more pain after I was rear-ended many many years ago. But nothing fades the past like the present!

4. Ethan did have a couple of punching, kicking, head butting tantrums over the weekend. He got tossed in his room and ignored for them, and his Geotrax train went into timeout until the next day. He seemed to get over them much quicker however, and James said that he could see the pause, in his mind, before he just let loose. The pause was non-existent before, so he is definitely making progress. He often will inform me, after he does something, “That was a good choice, mommy! I make good choices!” Yesterday he had a good day at school as well, no notes, no visits to the office, and his afternoon teachers said he did great. Nothing like bribery and rewards, so he got 2 M&Ms when we got home.

5. Work is a lot busier lately. And worse, it’s the kind of busy where I have to pro-actively do stuff, rather than just passively do what is handed to me. I have to put on the grown-up hat and make calls and act like I know what I’m doing, and convince people to spend the money in their budget by giving me work. The calls have turned into meetings, where I will again, have to act like I know what I’m doing, and use words like, strategy, goals, focus, standards, accessibility, etc. I DO know what I’m doing, but it’s much easier to do the passive thing than the proactive thing. I do get to ride on the metro train to DC tomorrow though, which I always enjoy, and of course, that also means there’s a Perfect Pita in my future as well. Yummilicious.

6. Birthday parties. Jocelyn is turning 2 in March, and it seems like we should be at the stage in our parenting to have a real children’s party, instead of just inviting our friends over for a get-together and make a cake and call it good. However, she IS 2, which is still pretty young, and have YOU had a house full of kids over? I haven’t, and I smell disaster. I am thinking of inviting our neighbor kids, the other kids in her daycare, setting up kid tables with butcher paper and crayons on them, making a cake, getting pizza delivered, and calling it good. I should think of it as like a trial run to Ethan’s birthday in May, when we’ll invite his class for some sort of party function. Eek. I’m scared just thinking about it.

7. Home improvement. I don’t know if you know, but Costco has a coupon for $5 off their laminate flooring. We have a room in the basement that we’ve just got finished by a contractor, and we’ve decided to lay the floor ourselves. I have vast dreams in my head of how we’ll become pros at laying this floor and then we’ll move on to bigger and better things. We’ll floor our bedroom and closets! We’ll floor the other bedrooms! Then the HALLWAY! THEN THE WORLD!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m actually pretty excited, we were originally going to have our contractor do the flooring, but after looking at the instructions, we thought, “Oh we can do THIS.”

I’m sure you’ll hear about the divorce from “irreconcilable differences” soon, all stemming from arguments on the proper way to lay laminate flooring.

That’s it for now.

– amy walks the walk, but never talks the talk

Sunday was a better day than Saturday. Thanks guys for the nice comments. I know everyone has these sorts of days, kids or no kids, and venting about it here is therapeutic, especially when y’all step in with such nice thoughts. Sleep does wonders to restore patience, and I remembered the basic rule that going to work every weekday seems to have erased in my mind – Get down on the floor and play! When things starting just way too whiny and tantrumy and too much to handle, go sit down and play! Whining usually means kids need attention, and one can never play with their kids too much.

It started when our Doodle Pro (magnetic drawing toy) was sitting on the table, and the two of them started to tug of war with it. I had no idea who had it first, and sometimes, they just have to learn that if they can’t work it out between them, nobody gets it. So the Doodle pro went into “timeout” (on top of the fridge) for 3 minutes, and when it came out, instead of trying to decide who gets it first, we all went and sat down together and played with it. I started drawing shapes and asking them what they were (Jocelyn knew every one, except diamond, which she excitedly named, “Kite!” so not too bad!) Then we did some letters and I printed everyone’s name, even mommy and daddy’s. Then I drew (ha! drew is such a broad term. think stick figures, which Jocelyn at first declared were “Flowers!”) Ethan and Jocelyn, and then at their request, redrew the picture with Mommy and Daddy in it also, and then threw the dog in as well, which Jocelyn decided was a kitty.

So, more cute kid stories/achievements:

By Sunday night, Jocelyn had definitely gotten the idea that tantruming is not the way to go. It was pretty amusing: “UH UH UH!! …. PEEEEAAASE!!” But often we had no idea what exactly she wanted, because she would only say “pease!” and not the name of whatever it is she desired. Still. Progress.

Also, my little girl is growing up!! She is so big and capable! She can climb the stairs without holding her hand on the wall for balance. It is pretty scary actually, I kept watching her and thinking she was going to lose her footing and tumble down the stairs, but she has just started trudging up the steps without a care in the world. She still uses the wall on her way down. (thank god. I might have a heart attack when she starts going down sans wall.)

On Sunday afternoon after naptime, the CUTEST thing happened. Ethan said, “Come here, Jocelyn!” and then promptly plopped into Jocelyn’s doll stroller. Jocelyn got right behind it, pushed with all her might, and managed to roll Ethan across the floor. Then Ethan got up and they switched places. They kept it up for about 5 minutes, shrieking with laughter and taking turns the entire time. It was pretty sweet, especially how they played together. Also, On Saturday when I took them out to Lowes/Target, Ethan would ask Jocelyn to take his hand, and she would, and they’d walk together holding hands. I’d never really seen this before, but it was very dear.

The two of them still don’t often play with the same toys together. Jocelyn is a mite too young for that, and if she tries, Ethan often will get mad and order her to stop, and parental intervention is needed. However, when no toys are involved, they are often quite cute, and Jocelyn will copy whatever her big brother does. Unfortunately, this works in reverse as well. When one of them does something wrong, often while I’m hollering at them to stop, the other will pitch in with the same activity as well. For example, when we’re at the table eating a meal, one of them will invariably start banging on the table, either with their hand or a utensil. Then the other one will start. So the conversation usually goes like this:

Ethan: *bang bang bang*
me: Ethan, no banging.
Jocelyn: *bang bang bang*
Ethan: Jocelyn’s banging!
me: Jocelyn, no banging from you either.
Ethan and Jocelyn: *bang bang bang*
me: Ethan, that’s 1, Jocelyn, that’s 1 for you too!”

Then there’s lots of looks at each other and grins and looks over at me and eventually someone will bang again and then the other will and you get the idea. Sometimes they can resist enough and stop, but most of the time they can’t. Yesterday, I came up from painting the room in the basement around lunchtime, and they were both in time out because of the banging. Ethan on the couch, and Jocelyn sitting on a stair step. James told me that when they both first arrived in timeout, Ethan said, “Jocelyn is in timeout. I’m in timeout too.” and then Jocelyn replied, “Yeah. Time-out.” and they generally were tickled pink about being in timeout together. At dinner time, Ethan started to bang, and looked at me all surreptitiously to see how I was going to react, and before I could say a word, Jocelyn rebuked him with a loud, “No banging!” It was cute.

Ok. So Sunday was a better day, but I still felt (and feel) all dreary and mopey. Going to try to snap out of it, because it’s no fun for anyone, especially me.

– amy

.. parenting wise. This will be one of those posts where the truth of parenting comes out, although I like to think I’m pretty truthful about it all the time, when I think about the kids/parenting type entries I’ve written on here, I don’t think I’ve written about the really hard days that come with being a parent. So just in case you think it is always golden sunshiney rainbows over here at the Panders residence, and parenting and children just come with the territory and birds sing and dress us in the morning, IT SO FUCKING ISN’T, AND THEY DON’T, AND SOMETIMES IT JUST PLAIN SUCKS. It would just go to show, that within a week of TWO people telling me, “You’re a good mom.” all casual and blase (and no lightning hit them!) that my children decide to turn into demons that wrack the whole patient motherhood thing that I had going on. Because in my opinion, it really is all about patience and not losing your cool. Not losing your cool when you have to tell Ethan 30 times at the auto show to stay right by mommy instead of doing what you WANT TO DO and lose it and blow up and holler and yell and then lasso him so that he won’t disappear from your side. And while we’re at it, muzzle or gag him in some way. Oh, and while we’re at it, I want a pony.

Today I lost it and hollered and yelled. And even spanked, which is something I Do Not Do. That’s not to say that if you spank your kids you are evil, I just personally don’t think that it is the best solution, and for me, when spanking is involved, it means that *I* have lost it, and the parent should never lose it when dealing with their kids. That way danger lies.

Ahh, so now that I’ve told you how bad a mother I am and how I’ve broken my holy covenant with myself on No Spanking Ever, I’ll tell you more about the day. Maybe it’s because it’s over and I’m no longer in it that it doesn’t seem as bad, but I know it was bad, while it was going on, because the frustration and irritation and HELPLESSNESS pressed down on me so hard today that tears came, at least twice that I can remember. It’s one of those days where you just wonder why having kids was a good idea, you know, EVER, FOR ANYONE and you’d much rather leave them on a doorstep somewhere and go fly to somewhere warm and filled with no responsibilities and drink frufru drinks with umbrellas. Ahhhhhhhh…

Sorry. I went to my Happy Place for a minute. I’m back now. By the way, go put Coupling (BBCA) on your Tivo, cause it’s good. I’ll wait.

So Ethan was sick earlier this week, with a fever that Would Not Go Away, and so he was pampered pretty thoroughly, as is any sick kid’s right to be pampered. The after effects however, well, they’re not fun. He’s adopted a pretty sassy attitude, and when usually it’s nipped in the bud with a firm warnings and follow-throughs (we tell him, “That’s 1,” and when he gets to 3, it’s time out.), he decided that he didn’t have to do what I told him, including going to time out.

Add on top of that, Jocelyn, my angel girl who when I think about how many tantrums Ethan had at her age, I marvel that she belongs to us.. could our genes have produced such a nonchalent, easy going little girl? The mind boggles.. Well, the other shoe dropped. All of a sudden, she will start whining and pitching a fit to get what she wants, which is a natural consequence of her getting what she wanted all the time by “UH UH UH UH”ing and pointing. It’s finally clicked in her mind that if she fusses, she’ll get what she wants, and the more the fuss, the faster what she wants will be obtained.

So, EVERY LITTLE THING. I swear, every two minutes, she’ll start hollering and whining, “UH UH UH UH UH!! NOOOOOOO!” and often throw herself on the floor in tears if whatever object she wants isn’t handed to her within 2 seconds. Breakfast was a prime example, I thought, what fun it would be to make waffles.. which used to be a staple around our house on the weekends, and was always lots of fun with kids helping and whatnot, but it was the breakfast from hell. Jocelyn demanding everything at the maximum volume possible, and Ethan trying to outdo her and get my attention. At one point, Jocelyn is screaming, and I’m trying to reason with her and get her to ask nicely, and Ethan is trying to show me something started random siren noises while holding something right in my face and I thought my head was going to explode.

That was just breakfast.

After breakfast, I took the kids to Lowe’s, to buy paint (we’re painting a room in the basement that was recently finished by our contractor) and to Target to get a birthday present. I knew I should have had the color all picked out before I went there, because mulling over paint colors with two tantruming, and COMPETING toddlers is just not fun. Not fun for me, not fun for other customers, just plain not fun. Jocelyn pulling her stunt at least once every five minute period which required me to say, calmly and collectedly, “Jocelyn, what is it you want? Use your words, say please.” about A ZILLION TIMES TODAY has just about driven me to the brink of insanity.

Thank god for vodka.

The spanking happened at lunchtime. Ethan is a very picky eater. He decides he does not like something, and then doesn’t eat it, even if he has never tasted it before. So we have a pretty good rule that he has to have a taste of it, and then he can have something else. Well, we had some chicken noodle soup for lunch, and he instantly would not say a word, and when I told him he had to have a taste of the noodles in order for me to get him seomthing else, he didn’t even say anything, he laid, tummy down, on his chair with his head hanging down toward the floor. Long story short, he started to cop his attitude with me which I wasn’t about to tolerate, and when I told him to go to timeout, he shouted, “NO I DONT HAVE TO!” and various related thoughts at me. The whole ugly scene finished with me hauling him up to his room and spanking him pretty thoroughly. Then I went downstairs and tried not to cry.

The rest of the day went a bit better. After (a non-sleeping) naptime, we went to our neighbor kid’s 2 year old birthday party at the Little Gym, which was exhausting, running around making sure no one broke their skulls, but in the good way when they’re running, playing and having the time of their lives. I was especially amused when the playtime was over, and the eating of pizza and cake took place. Jocelyn is our good eater, and Ethan is our picky picky eater, and the roles were definitely reversed. Ethan ate most of his pizza, and kept running over to the food table for vegetables, including cherry tomatoes, which he thought were grapes. The look on his face when he ate one was priceless, and he unceremoniously dumped the rest of them on my plate as he said, as if I had tricked him, “THESE ARE TOMATOES!!” Jocelyn loves tomatoes, and pizza, but had maybe 2 bites of everything, telling me, “No, mommy!” quite insistently whenever I offered her anything. She got over it when cake time rolled around.

There is one good thing about today (besides the vodka and the fact that the 2 kids are in bed), and that is I lost a little over 3 pounds this week. And when I was getting dressed this morning, I glanced at my skinny jeans, thought, why not? And they fit, not perfectly, but tolerably well – well enough to wear today. It sucked though, because I popped out of bed at an ungodly hour thinking, “I’ll go to the EARLY weight watcher’s meeting!” which I thought was at 7.30. Which is when I arrived. And is also when it actually ENDED. Bugger bugger bugger. It kind of pissed me off, and probably set the tone for the whole day. I think I’m going to stop going to WW meetings for a while. I hate getting up on saturday mornings, and I think I do the same whether I go or not, so we’ll see. I can always start going again if I want.

I should probably go downstairs and help paint. Yay. Paint fumes. I hope my nose doesn’t revolt.

– amy should have picked the blue pill.

Ok, well, not really, though I *would* make out with her in a darkened bathroom if we both happened to be there and she were so inclined.

But I digress. I got all bloggy and addicted with blogginess* last year and was reading reading reading lots of BLOGS and sucking up all the archives and being cross references to all sorts of others and growing growing growing the whole bloglist when I came across hers and promptly died laughing and became more addicted than ever.

* Doesn’t that word suck? Don’t you just cringe when I say it? BLOGGY BLOGGY BLOGGY! I said it more in that paragraph, just for the cringe factor.

I read all her recent posts as they come out, but I also started at her very first post and have been reading through them all in order. This has been going on for a couple months now. She started in 1999, and is a prolific writer (to my immense joy!) However, in the back of my mind, as I’ve been reading through year 2003, I have been kind of eagerly awaiting getting up to where she and her husband decide to/talk about adopt their daughter, Nora.

And TODAY, I have gotten to that post!

So to celebrate the milestone, I would like to share with you the list of items that would be suitable to give to mimi, if you happened to be visiting on some holiday which required presents, or even if you just wanted to be a nice guest and surprise your hostess with a little gift. You will also realize as you read this, that I am a big fan of all things “smarty,” but let me assure you, I am not of the stalker variety (James would argue with me on this point, but shoosh, husband-talking-in-my-head.)

I’ll stop telling you what you are about to feel, and get on with it.

THINGS TO GIVE TO MIMI SMARTYPANTS, SHOULD THE OCCASION BE PRESENTED:

FOOD ITEMS, REAL OR OTHERWISE:

gummy worms
wheat thins
mopey lemon poppyseed muffin
(for LT:) frosting and miniature chocolate chips

OTHER ITEMS SHAPED LIKE FOOD:

a cd player in the shape of a hamburger
a singing apple with headphones

CLOTHING:

t-shirt that states: It takes me forever to make a sandwich
t-shirt that states: GRAVY BOAT STAY IN THE NOW!
a giant novelty afro wig
a still life painting, with a stapler and a fried egg portrayed.
fake lobster hands
fake incredible hulk hands

HOUSEHOLD ITEMS:

a bottle of febreeze
a self-inking stamp that says, “TASTY” or “LAME” (for lost pet flyers, or bad band posters)

MISCELANEOUS ITEMS:

a karaoke tape of Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded”
a severed head*

* It’s important to note that the severed head is not a “gift”, but something Mimi would like to find herself. Go read about it yourself.

So.. once again, I must remind you that no, I’m not of the stalker variety. I’ve just laughed out loud so many times that I *cough* started keeping a list, JUST IN CASE I ever meet mimi in person, I’d like to casually pass her a stapler with “GRAVY BOAT STAY IN THE NOW!” emblazoned on it.

I once indulged in quite a bit of mimi reading right before bed, and had a dream that I met her. I don’t remember much of it, but in the dream, she told me her real name and her husband’s, and I asked her why she calls him “LT” in the dream (which to me, always makes me think lieutenant). She said that it was because she was originally going to LINK TO his website, and so it stood for LINK TO. LT = LINK TO. How dumb is my subconscious? Jeepers.

James has been subjected to many aloud readings of Ms. Pants, but he usually enjoys them, after he’s done being irritated after I interupt him. As a result, when he’s working at home and decides to go make lunch, I’ll get a little IM window that announces, “I like things that are many and boiled!” which comes from a particularly memorable post, which you must go read right now. You know you want to. It has a llama puppet in it, so just go already. Llama puppet! LLAMA PUPPET!
Freaky fan-dom post over now. bye.

1. I sprayed my oven with oven cleaner exactly 1 week and 1 day ago, and still have not done the scant 15 minute job of wiping all the greasy gook out of it. Which means we can’t use the oven. Many chicken nuggets and french fries breath a sigh of relief each night that they are granted another day’s reprieve. I think this item could be expanded to include all the many things on my “todo” list that I haven’t done, and probably won’t do for a while. Not major things, like “paint the upstairs hallway,” but minor things, like “send care package to friend in Korea.”
2. Wearing dishwashing gloves when I work in the kitchen. There’s no real reason to feel “guilty” about this, and sometimes I don’t, I feel all retro and like some smiling 50s mom in an ad, all is missing is a 28″ waist, an apron, high heels, pearl necklace and make-up. (OK, lots of stuff is missing.) But sometimes I just feel guilty, like I should just plunge my hands in the water and not worry about the pruney-ness.
3. Dropping my son off at pre-school on my way to work.
4. Putting the kids to bed, after I’ve only seen then for a few hours after we all get home. Sometimes only 1 hour. Not only guilty, but sad. Then guilty for feeling glad that they’re in bed and I can veg out in peace.
5. Not exercising. Too cold, too busy, too much time away from my kids who I don’t see enough already.. too many excuses. Guilt.
6. Eating McDonald’s egg mcmuffin for breakfast on my way to work. I shouldn’t feel guilty, because I don’t eat hashbrowns and it’s 6 points which is very reasonable. I still feel guilty though. I mean, McDonald’s for crying out loud! An Egg! Every Single Day! I can hear you GASPING all the way over here! OH THE GUILT IT’S STAGGERING!
7. Having a messy house. Being messy. Given a choice whether to sit with my laptop/ book/ TV or cleaning the kitchen.. Guess which one wins 9 times out of 10? I feel guilty while I sit and read Mimi Smartypants, or watch Gilmore Girls. (I bet Ms. Pants would be aghast at being grouped in the same paragraph. Sorry, mimi.)
8. Wanting a new ______. There are several things I want and have been pining for of which I have perfectly versions of that work just fine, and yet I want the sleeker, upgraded, newer, version. Wasteful, and I hate being Wasteful.
9. Around Christmas, I bought James a book on cd along with some other item which I can’t remember, and when I got home, I realized that they didn’t charge me for the other item. I hate inadvertently stealing, and I usually go and correct them, but I didn’t. Still bugs me though.
10. Wouldn’t it be nice if this list ended on 10? I can’t think of anything else.

I should really get over myself, shouldn’t I?

I’ll put that on my to do list. “Get over yourself.”

I’ll get right on that.

– amy has fun plans this weekend. she will fill you in later.

Hello internet!
My old look sucked rocks. So I did a new one 🙂

I still need to get FlickrRSS working. Anyone know how to do that?

And something wonky is going on with the ‘view single post’ layout that I’ve no idea how to fix. It’s only on the most recent post. If you click on the header to this post, you’ll see what I mean. (Unless of course, I’ve fixed it by the time you read this, in which it’s too late to play this game.)

But other than that. I like it! The header has the paperwhites in my window. Aren’t they pretty? I wish spring was here already. In a way, I have tricked mother nature. I have FORCED these bulbs into blooming BEFORE THEY’RE BIOLOGICAL/ NATURE CLOCK TELLS THEM TOO. Yes, that’s me. The dominatrix of the botanical world. GROVEL BEFORE ME, BULBS! I will refridgerate you and then plant and place you in a sunny spot and YOU WILL BLOOM OR FEEL MY WRATH. DO NOT ANGER THE AMY OR I CHAIN YOU UP AND SPANK YOU OR AT THE VERY LEAST, DENY YOU WATER.

Ahem.

So, new look! Carry on!

-AMY! RAWRRR! … err, i mean, amy 🙂

UPDATE: I fixed the wonkiness on the single post view! Yay me!

(cont)

I haven’t written about it, because my rule of websites is, “Always assume the one person you don’t want to read it, WILL.” Heehee. Good rule, eh? So, now that it is all gone through, it’s OK to share.

James got a great job offer from a great company and has accepted it. We have a couple of our friends that work there and like it. He has actually been in touch with the company since before CHRISTMAS, and he put his resume in for it LAST SUMMER, so it’s been a while in the works, though progress has only really been made in the last week or so. Turns out the HR person he was talking to (and kept missing) left, and he was contacted by someone new, who really took charge and got things done. He went in for an interview yesterday, and was offered the job this morning. My only beef with him is that he didn’t even do the courtesy, “Let me think about it, discuss it with my wife, and get back to you,” spiel, he just TOOK IT. Hahaha! However, we both knew he was going to take it, and the offer was even better than he expected, so I can forgive him not talking to me about it first 🙂 The money is good, the benefits are good, especially in that they HAVE SOME, whereas in his old job there was vacation, and that was about it.

He told his boss about it this morning, and apparently there was some carrot dangling that was probably kind of laughable, because the boss has dangled the carrot before, in terms of yearly review/ raises end of year bonuses, etc, and when the carrot actually comes, it is always a let down. James pretty much told him that even if he matched it (which I don’t think is even possible, due to the benefits) he would still leave. There was a lot of, “ahhh… well, you might be tossing a lot of money away..” sort of talk, but it was a bunch of HOOEY.

I don’t know if James is a good interviewer, because I’ve never seen him in interviews, but I do know that the one fault he has is that he undervalues himself. He is too modest. I never have that problem, honestly, I’m a greedy bitch 🙂 When I was leaving the second “real” job I ever had, I shopped myself around, got myself two offers, played them against each other, and took the better one at a 15k raise (remember, this was at the very beginning of my career, so it was basically raising me out of the level of poverty, haha). I’m just that kind of person. James is a much nicer, genial sort of man. The job he has now, he took after being laid off for 2 months (with only 3 months severance pay) with me being SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT. I was working, but as a contractor with no benefits, and I would not have paid time off to give birth. He was under a good bit of pressure (talk about an understatement)! He took the first decent job that came along, at a salary that he should have laughed at. Four years later, some job benefits that made up for that lack of salary have eroded away, and the salary/ bonus promises that were made originally never really paid off.

When we went into this situation, he even turned to me one night and said, “Now you’re going to have to tell me what to say in the interview, when they ask about money, Miss I-had-two-offers!” I did tell him things he could say, and we discussed all the bogus froo-froo-y interview questions that might come up, “If you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be?*” and what he could reply to them. Maybe I said something that helped, but more accurately, they recognized a good nerd when they saw one 🙂

* I actually have never been asked this, but you have to agree that there are definitely weird interview questions that sometimes come up. Like, “What is your biggest weakness?” that you’re supposed to somehow make be an asset, like, “Oh, gosh, I guess I’d have to say, I’m just TOO ORGANIZED, it SUCKS.” Yeah right.

Seeing him get this offer is just the best feeling in the world. He is the hardest worker I know, he hardly ever misses a day sick, he works his ass off, he doesn’t complain (except to me!) gets the job done even when he has his family to take care of and school to attend. He has not really liked working with the people he has worked with the last four years. He hasn’t minded some of them, but he hasn’t had the nice camaraderie of colleagues that become friends to help him get through his work day and make going to work ENJOYABLE. He hasn’t had a good company environment, he hasn’t been appreciated for his SUPREME talents, and if anyone deserves a rewarding, well-paid position IT IS JAMES. I am just so proud of him and excited for him and excited for getting out of the suck-joy hell hole that he is currently employed at, that I could just burst.

No one deserves it more, honey.

WAY TO GO!

Plus now, as my friend Greg said, we can definitely get me a bike for my birthday. 🙂

I mean, WAY TO GO!

It’s been an exciting day, here at the Panders’ household. Except that we weren’t actually in the house when any of it happened, but you get the idea.

First up. Health. And a Project Skinny Update.

I wrenched a muscle in my back on Saturday night. You can probably noodle through exactly what I was doing when it got wrenched. Ahem. It showed up Sunday, and DAMN did it hurt. The knotted muscle was just under/to the side of my shoulder blade, but it was knotted so badly that it radiated all through my back and shoulder and down my arm and even through my rib cage and made it hard to breath, if i was slouching. Monday was no better. I woke up feeling GREAT, and even told James that it appeared to have unkinked. By the time I got to work, however, I was dying. I took two Aleve, and another by the end of the afternoon. The total you’re supposed to take in a 24 hour period is 3. I’ve never taken 3 in a 24 hr period. By night fall I was in agony. My arm felt like I had carpal tunnel syndrome, and my neck kept twanging strangely and it brought on a massive headache. By last night at bedtime, I decided I was going to the doctor, because I just couldn’t take it anymore.

So on the way to work, I called to make an appointment. I switched insurance when I got my job, so I haven’t been to the doctor I selected as my primary care before. Because of this, I couldn’t just see the nurse practitioner, I had to see the Dr., and the receptionist informed me that the earliest time open was February 10th. I was literally flabbergasted. I couldn’t seem to form words.

her: “We have an opening on February 10th.”
me: *silence, and then* “But…. I’m….. How….”
her: …..
me: *trying to form a coherent sentence* “But I’m sick now.”
(I’m sick now? What am I, four?)
her: …..
me: “I just.. I don’t… I … Should I find another doctor then, I just.. I don’t know how to respond to that.”
her: “Hold on a minute.”

She put on someone else, who listened to me whine and then told me they’d try to fit me in at 11am.

So I went to the doctor’s office, early of course, because there’s always new patient paperwork. I filled it all out, being careful to mark everything correctly especially in those, “Do you feel anxiety, sadness, or agitation with no explicit reason?” type questions. Here’s my chance to make sure I’m basically evaluating myself correctly. I went in and did the usually nurse flibber flabber, and then saw the doctor. first we discussed the back issues. I cannot lift my children, under any circumstance. I knew this. Jocelyn weighs 30 lbs, and she’s not even two. I am going to have to really really really try to remember this. Ethan is 40 lbs, and I lift him up and down every day into the truck. Ugh. She gave me some muscle relaxers too, that I can use 3x a day if they don’t make me lose focus, and if so, then just 1x a day, before bed. I can feel them working already.. Ahhhhh..

So, next, we discussed the mental health, which I had noted. I told her about last summer how I really was doing poorly, but going back to work seemed to alleviate a lot of that. I explained how it seems to come on about once a month, and she suggested it might be premenstrual. James and I discussed that too, once, and I told him I’d rather be crazy then have it all be PMS. James of course would rather be able to blame the hormones than a crazy brain, but then that’s a man. All the men who are reading this are probably nodding along with the James take, but I don’t know, it’s just FRUSTRATING, when you vent and storm and get all crazy and then have ALL YOUR EMOTIONS INVALIDATED by someone saying, “Oh, it’s just PMS.” It kind of invalidates YOU, and that sucks. I can see how it would be nice to not be crazy, but it is just as not nice to have yourself and your feelings totally ignored and labeled under “PMS.” SUCKS. I’d rather be crazy, and get to OWN these emotions and actions. But there it is, could just be hormones. Anyway, she said it sounded fine, and if it seemed to get out of control to come see her and we would work it out.

Then, she asked about the general health issues in the past, and I told her about the 2 c-sections, and the gall bladder going out. I hadn’t brought up my weight, so she did, and I quickly told her that I AM working on it, and I have managed to lose 10 pounds since Thanksgiving, but that I was getting frustrated and it was very hard. That is when she suggested an appetite suppressant. (!!!) Honestly, I didn’t think there really was this sort of thing around anymore. I was skeptical at first, but she talked me into it. The downside is that they do beat up on your heart, but as she said, carrying around this extra weight is much worse for my heart. The usual dosage is to take them every day, but she wanted me to take them 5x a week instead, to give my body a break now and then. I had an EKG to make sure I was good to go for them, and I am also going to go back in 6 weeks. It’ll be good motivation to really stay on track.

So, I will state my goal right here! March 7th, is 6 weeks from today.

My goal is to lose 12 lbs by March 7th. that is 2 lbs per week, a very doable goal.

So, trip to the doctor = good. SHe was very nice, very knowledgeable, very good communicator. Muscle relaxed obtained, currently doing their trick on the back, YAY! (Oh my god, you have no idea how much better I feel already). Mental Check – not crazy, if I get crazier, check back in. Project skinny has got the a-ok by the Dr. and now I have a secret weapon in my corner to help out.

So, good day! Cool! I’m feeling good!

But this was actually the LEAST of the goodness that happened today!

This is a long post, so I’m going to break it up into to, because I especially don’t wnat the next part buried at all, because if anything it’s way cooler than me going to the doctor!

So, continued.

I remember that Christmas morning. I was eight, and there was only one thing that Santa could bring me that would make me happy. I walked into the living room, and THERE IT WAS! A bright pink HUFFY! With STREAMERS!

Well, I’m no longer eight, and I REALLY don’t want pink, but I would like to feel the wind in my hair and the exhilaration of FASTER FASTER FASTER!

I had a great bike in college that got stolen, and I haven’t had anything since.

My brother had the great idea of getting my mom a bike for Christmas. I think the trick to RIDING a bike is having the RIGHT bike, and for her it was to make sure it was comfortable, and easy to use. I’m looking at the same brand of bikes and getting all glinty eyed just thinking about it.

Here is the one I want.

Just kidding. I would LOVE to get that one, but it’s a little over the top, don’t you think? Plus, more than I want to spend, and not enough gears.

This is what I want

I really do want that one, I LOVE IT! But again, not enough gears. *SNIFF* Oh, how we never had the chance to know each other!

No more foolin’, THIS ONE is the one I want:

Too bad it doesn’t have streamers. *SNIFF!* Or daisies! Still, I think this is the winner.
James looks at these a little askance. But honestly, they look like they’re not going to kill my back, be easy to ride, AND BE FUN! And THAT is going to make me want to get back on it, right?

So go ahead, you have your fun at my expense and the kooky weird looking bike that I want. But I still like it 🙂 And my birthday is next month.

It’ll be the Christmas of 1982 all over again!

Wow, what a weekend.

I had SO MUCH fun last night playing poker with mostly strangers. It just made me realize how uncomfortable I have been feeling around some of my neighbors lately. And since it’s always a good idea to write as if whoever you’re writing about is reading it, I’m not going to say much, except that I was talking with some friends in the neighborhood and aparently it isn’t JUST me who feels this way. I am not sure I agree entirely everything they were saying, because I didn’t experience it myself, but I feel much better, and definitely the next time bunko rolls around, I’ll be able to cut loose and have fun without feeling weird, and that’s always good.

LIKE I DID LAST NIGHT. Oh my, I may never get invited to poker at this guy’s place again, tee hee. See, when I cut loose, I tend to blabber a lot (gee, a lot like this web space!) and sometimes really random things come out of me. So.. what were the highlights? Well, I was introduced to a new brand of vodka which seemed really good – very smooth, but affordable. I don’t know vodka, but this brand “Tito” (you can remember it because it rhymes with “Tivo!”) is apparently just as good as a premium vodka, like grey goose. Let’s see, so there was vodka, yum, we did have a bubble blowing contest at one point when some bubbilicious was passed out. And then after it wsa too hard to blow bubbles, there was a snapping/crackle contest. Of course there was poker, and I did win a few big hands, but ended up down over all. It was a nickel, dime, quarter game, and I took the cup of change that I used to use when I played change games a few years ago. The problem with this sort of game is you never know how much you started with, and therefore how far up or down you are when you’re done. I did know I was down though. The pokering was a lot of fun, a couple folks were fairly new to the game and caught on fairly quickly, and luckily my habit of staring at the cards and thinking out loud (usually talking myself out of calling when i should really stay in) was “HELPFUL!” instead of the usual “GAG HER UNTIL SHE STOPS TALKING! NO WAIT SHE’S GOING TO FOLD SO LET HER BLABBER SOME MORE!” Other than that, I will spare you the actual poker details because hearing about how I had 2 kings on the turn and then an ace came in that paired the board so that WE SPLIT THE POT AND OH IT WAS AMAZING! is usually about as boring as hearing someone recount their adventures in Risk. “And then I rolled a TWO! I tought I was done for, but then he rolled a ONE! HAHA!” Yeah. Boring.

I came home, and James wandered down, and I could tell something was bothering him. I have to say, I’m really patting myself on the back about this one, because the minute I looked at him, I could totally tell he was irked, even when he said, “Fine.” to my, “how’re you doing?” and he ‘fessed up when I pressed him (luckily it wasn’t about ME. Shew.) We cleaned up a little and went to bed and proceeded to talk until 1am.

I would have to say my worst fault is I get so freakin’ chatty when I’m tired. I mean REALLY CHATTY. I just talk and talk and talk and finally I just had to clamp my mouth shut and thank my lucky stars that my husband loves me and doesn’t want to slap me around when I keep him up until 1am before a work day.

One of the things I blathered on about to James last night, was I seem to have some sort of THING every couple of weeks. Maybe it’s because I let something bug me or build up for a few weeks and then it’s just too much to keep hold of, and I just need to let it spill out and throw something. Then it’s over, and I’m good for a few more weeks. Rinse, repeat.
Anyway, so there’s my weekend. No fancy ending. just,

THE END!

– amy will stare out at you for eternity from an over-sized pickle jar – stick an oversized novelty afro wig on top for fun, amy prefers purple.