Just in case anyone else listens to the Dawn and Drew show, I have been keeping this page updated. An audio comment I called in was on the show I listened to this morning, wheeee! And of course, I called in again this morning. I sometimes wonder if I am the most frequent caller-in-er. Probably not. I go for stretches when I don’t call, and then I call call call call. (Ahem. This morning. Yesterday afternoon.)
If you are wondering who Dawn and Drew are, check them out. Very entertaining podcast!

My new Indigo Girls album has arrived, Despite Our Differences.

I’m so happy! I don’t know why. I didn’t really get all excited about the last…. 4 or 5 releases. Not since Shaming of the Sun. I was living in Atlanta at the time and there was quite a lot of publicity on that release. I stood in line at Tower or some such and got it signed by the girls. It was fun.

I have all the other albums of course. But one of them I found while thumbing through the IG section at a store and not recognizing the album cover. Some fan *I* am! Not even knowing that there had been a release! So really, I am not sure why I’m excited about this one, but I am. I blame Linda, who’s hyped it all up for me (and by “hyped” I mean, “mentioned more than once”).

It’s nice to be back in that place though, that place where listening to the girls make me feel warm and fuzzy.

It got me thinking about music and stuff. Isn’t it funny how there are some albums that you know by heart, and love more than anything, but it doesn’t necessarily fit into your musical tastes. For example, I own and love The Best of the Doobie Brothers. Love love love it. Dance with me momma all night long! I think this is because my older sister had it when I was a girl and it’s just something I grew up with. I don’t think that I would love it as much as I do, if I had never heard it until later. I am sure I wouldn’t, it definitely isn’t in my typical musical taste. Cat Stevens is in this category, as well as a few America songs – I have one album of theirs just for “Horse with no name” (which by the way, makes great kid listening music).

I am not a huge audiophile. I am in awe of folks who are. I had a friend, whom we’ll just call ‘shoeshine boy’ who I was able to just describe a song I heard on the radio once A FEW YEARS BEFORE and loved, not remembering ANY of the words, just the way they made me feel, who after 5 minutes of hearing me ramble, said, “Ben Harper” and sure enough it was Ben Harper’s “Faded” from The Will to Live album. I basically listen to the radio (alternative/modern rock) and am fairly undiscriminating. As long as they can sing and aren’t too heavy, I will generally like it. My husband James is into the heavier stuff, and it’s a good thing the guy in Metallica can actually SING, because his favorite had been one of those screecher hair bands that can’t sing, just screech, we probably wouldn’t be married.
And that’s another thing. I don’t know about anyone else.. but I need some time to connect with a new album to really love it. I spent time with, totally bonded and connected with that Ben Harper album. I own all his other albums as well (except the latest one) but haven’t really spent the time to get to know them as well, and therefore don’t adore them as I do The Will to Live. Another example is the Wonder Stuff (which is probably the only time I’ll list a band and you’ll go, “huh? who’s that?” because i’m not very non-mainstream, honestly, i’m not) whose “Never Loved Elvis” album is in my top 10. And yet, I don’t really care for any of the others. I just haven’t gotten into them.

While waiting for my album to arrive from Amazon, Linda pointed out how some folks will say I am not missing much. I asked Linda what SHE thought of it, and the way she put it was perfect. “I have loved them for 17 years. It’s like a marriage now. I will always love them, even if I have to work at it.” (Sorry if I messed that up Linda.)

She’s right. It’s time I reconnect with the girls instead of just remembering “the good old times” (rites of passage, swamp ophelia, 1200 curfews).I skipped around until I found the song that made me cry when I saw them in concert, which was “Lay Me Down”. I turned it up as far as I could, and it made me cry again. here’s part of it:

Why can’t I let go of the feeling
That I’m lost somehow
Just a ghost looking in
Out of my own life just visiting
In search of a body to have and to hold and to keep and to sleep
I wanna lay my head down on you
Because you’re the only solid thing in this room
A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

To me, this song is about losing that connection. Losing the connection to others around you. Feeling like a stranger in a room of friendly acquaintances. Looking around the room at Bunko and wondering if you really are this person, sitting in this room. Wondering if you can just be Amy, and not the wallet-loser, Not the wife. Not the mother. Not the Web Designer/Editor. Not the bill-payer. Not the appointment-maker. And who exactly is amy? She doesn’t feel like this person, this life. Wondering how you got to be in this place in your life. Do these labels fit me? Mother, wife, responsible adult. I feel like a ghost looking in on this life. I need to connect, I need to anchor, I need to lay my head down on you, because if I don’t I may drift away because I don’t know how to fit into this life, this world, this house, this perception that people have of me.. I need to connect or you will just be another mishmash of songs that are vaguely familiar, by voices that I loved once, or still do, but in another form, another album.

And so, I settle in to connect with this album. I pore over the words as they flood over me. I will make the effort to connect, just as you have to in a marriage.

And it’s like falling in love all over again.

I came across Hilary Lang’s Wee Bunny pattern (it’s free! it’s easy! even I could do it!) and thought that perhaps I could make one, put a totoro face on it (from My Neighbor Totoro), call it a totoro and maybe be able to pull the wool over my kids eyes that they’re ACTUALLY supposed to be bunnies. (it hasn’t worked, Jocelyn called them “little BUNS!” during the construction process, although she has readily adopted the “totoro” title now that they’re made.. )

I’m pretty pleased with how they’ve come out, actually! I am going to make a few more, one more at the very least, because I WANT ONE TOO. A little “sad” totoro! More on that below.

Jocelyn’s Totoro when it was still clean (completed).

Ethan’s Totoro still in progress

I tried out a few different mouths when finishing up Jocelyn’s totoro. The totoros in the movie are never exactly giddy, except in certain scenes. Mostly they have a serious sort of look to them. Almost grumpy. So the first mouth I did, Jocelyn took one look at it and said, “It’s a SAD totoro!” and demanded a HAPPY totoro.

Ethan however, wanted a sad totoro. “Not too sad. Just.. sad.”

I like the “sad” totoro better myself. (Jocelyn has already had 24 hours with her completed totor, and it already had jam on it by the time Ethan’s was finished, and there was daylight for photo taking with both completed totoros.)

I don’t know why this picture tickles me so, but it does. they look so cute looking at each other.

And now, some real totoros, for reference (for more totoro goodness, visit totoro.org):

Yes. I am way off. But still, I think I did ok on the faces 🙂 Honestly, IT COULD BE WORSE! SO JUST SHOOSH!
-amy, hey let’s GO! HEY LET’S GO! WE’RE HAPPY AS CAN BE!

… I still don’t have the new IG album!!

Let’s see. What do I NOT have..

A driver’s license. But I will have a replacement in approximately 5 business days.
A social security card. I need to do something about that.
A debit card. New ones in 7-10 business days.
Several credit cards. New ones in 7-10 business days.
Many many many many many assorted receipts from Target, Safeway and Costco. Those, I don’t miss.

On the plus side, there has been no activity on any of our accounts… that we haven’t initiated. This is so very very good.

I don’t even have the ability to buy the new album on amazon, because the credit card accounts have now been closed and new numbers have not yet been forthcoming, and the debit card number has been shut down. I don’t know what that one was anyway.

One good thing is I don’t have to close our checking account. That would have been SUCH a big pain in the ass. The nice lady at USAA said that as long as I keep on top of the activity in the account, we should be ok. The checks that are gone have been blocked, so the only danger is if someone tries something fancy with the routing number and the checking account number. Which I will be WATCHING for! I also put a security alert on my credit report (because I’m dumb and had my SS card in my wallet, once again, I SUCK), so that if anyone tries to do anything, they have to call me first. At least, that’s what I think happens. It’s been a long day.

Honestly, I think it is still in the “lost” category, and not the “stolen” category. But I have spent a great deal of energy and time pestering employees, that if it hasn’t moved out of the lost category by now, it’s going to stay there, or eventually be in the stolen category.
2 things that really suck … And by “really suck”, I mean, after all the super suckiness above..

1. I had that wallet for close to 7 years, and it was the best wallet I’ve ever owned. My mom bought it for me at Nordstrom’s for $50. I would never have spent that much for a wallet, but if you take that 50 bucks and divide it by every day I used it for the last 7 years, I would have to say it was a steal. This is a trick a friend of mine uses to justify spending money. She just hollers, “DIVIDE IT BY THE DAY!” and charges it. It really does make sense though. If you love and use something a lot, it IS worth it. I’ve learned that in the last 7 years at least.
2. I still don’t have the new IG album. James stopped on his way home from class to get me a copy, but no dice. But I am going to go steal James’ debit card here as soon as I hit publish, and order the damn thing already.
3. Third (just pretend I said 3 things up there), now that I’ve gotten past all the sucky all-your-personal-shit-is-gone stuff, I really really really want some of those shoes/boots I tried on at TJ Maxx. Seriously. They were cute as hell and cheap to boot. (Get it? BOOT! Oh I kill myself.) As soon as I get access to money in one of the conventional ways, I’m going to go buy some. TJ Maxx, I’ll see YOU in 7-10 business days!

– amy has to get back to her Project Runway Season 2 marathon since THERE WAS NO PR LAST NIGHT OH THE INSANITY HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO CONTINUE TO LIVE!!! It’s a good thing I have a backup PR fix ready, or I may have collapsed. Disc 3 has arrived – “Designers! Up until now, you’ve all f**king sucked.”

I haven’t gotten around to typing up this post until now.

Mostly because I took pictures with my stellar (NOT) camera phone, and was trying to get moblogging working so I didn’t have to email everything around twice.

Moblogging still not working, but we’re still working on it. It’ll be neato when it gets working.

So I was on my merry way to work last Thursday, driving along innocently enough, when I thought I heard something funny. I turn off the iPod and listened.

Nothing.

Inch forward in traffic. There it is again. I pull over, and it is not a pretty sight. My rear passenger tire is totally flat, and I’m driving on the rim.

In a way, I’m kind of stoked, because … I love this sort of shit. I love to change tires, and here I get to do it all by myself! Few years ago, I went off roading by myself and got totally stuck on a small tree trunk. I checked out the situation and being the daughter of an engineer, totally figured out how to get myself out of the mess I got myself into and was working merrily away at gathering the supplies(lots of big rocks) and then got to work. I was getting there, albeit slowly, by myself, when a guy and his girlfriend motored up on their ATVs and helped me out. I say “helped me out,” but it was more like, the guy swooped in and did this macho “Oh, it’s a good thing *I* came along” act, and kind of muscled me out of it. I hovered for a while, tried to do what I was doing, but finally sat down with the girlfriend and watched. I totally wanted to kick his ass, but at the same time, when you’re out 4-wheelin’ by yourself, folks around to bail you out of trouble is always a good thing. I could have been in a situation where there was no way out unless someone came along with a winch, so I just counted myself lucky to have some help and called it good.

But still. Even though I was dressed up all nice, and even somewhat warmly (long sleeves – the AC in my building is VERY EFFECTIVE) in what was the heat wave of the entire summer, I was kind of tickled that I had a flat.

I kicked off my shoes and got to work.

first order of business was to get the necessary tools. Namely, the jack and lug wrench. Unfortunately, they are located under the back seat, so that means CAR SEAT = OUTTA THERE.

Next, I needed my spare tire. My 4Runner has a full sized spare that is hoisted up underneat the back of the car. It was pretty easy to get down. See curious hole above bumper. Stick pump crank into hole. Fiddle around and turn. (Kind of kinky.) Watch as the miracle of engineering lowers my spare tire!

Ok, spare tire. CHECK.

Next: Operation JACK!

This was a little trickier. I’ve jacked up other cars, but I never had the opportunity to do it on my truck (i’ve had flats before, but the damn men always do it.) So I was actually uncertain where I was supposed to put the jack. On a car frame, there are little indentations right under the door frame, near the tire where you put the jack. Nothing like that on the truck. Plus, if I jacked up the frame, I could probably jack as far as the jack would go and the tire would stay on the ground. The glory of big truck shocks! So peering over the arcane drawings on the jack and even breaking out my manual, I determined that I needed to jack it by the axle:

The drawings seemed to indicate a specific PLACE on the axle, but I sure as hell couldn’t match anything up on the real axle that looked like the drawing, so I just picked a place and started cranking. It worked fine, and nothing appeared to break! Yay me!

(for a phone camera, i quite like this one.)

So, next up. Get the flat off. I had my handy little lug lock doodad.

Let me just say that by now, my happy-go-lucky attitude was starting to wear thin. NOT because I didn’t want to do it. NOT because it was now 137 degrees and I was sweating like a pig. No, my friends, it was because I was VERY near the main commuting drive, as I was previously IN the commute when I quickly pulled off and started my tire changing escapades, and there were a stream of folks still creeping along in traffic on their way to work. I’d been outside for probably a good 30 minutes now, and did anyone pull over to ask if I needed help?

No. Not one. NADA. ZIPPO. NO ONE. Sure, it was fine. I had a handle on things, but jeez, people, it’s nice to at least be asked. Show some common decency for crying out loud. What kind of world do we live in, people, if you can’t stop and check to make sure someone doesn’t need some help? If you were stuck on the side of the road, wouldn’t you like to be asked if you need some help? Many hands make the fucking work light, people! Yes, I’m swearing, but dammit, this really pissed me off. Everyone so fucking busy so fucking involved in their own little world that they can’t stop to help a stranger. Everyone, just go fuck yourself, and see if I care.
This is where I was at:

And this is what someone commuting along the street would have seen as they drove (at a stop and go crawl) along:

So yes, I was hot. I was sweaty. And slowly, I was starting to hate the world. “SCREW YOU TOO!” I would say out loud as I cranked away at the jack to the cars who passed me by. And Not. One. Car. Stopped. I was very indignant. Don’t people stop anymore? I stop. Just the day before I had stopped when a car 2 spots in front of me puttered over to the side after holding up traffic in the middle of the intersection. “You need any help?” and he smiled and shook his head, “Nope, I’m OK. Go ahead.” He probably wasn’t. He had the phone up to his ear, and he was probably calling for help, but I bet he thought, “It was nice to be ASKED.”

Nobody even bothered to ask me. Too busy scurrying to work like the busy rats they were. I’m not bitter or anything. I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO STOP ANYWAY! I’M JUST FINE WITHOUT YOU. JUST SEE IF I CARE! I was angry, but I was ok, because I WAS handling it fine on my own. Don’t need your help, motherfuckers.
But then, there were the lug nuts. I got more embittered when it came to the lug nuts.

They were on $%&*ing TIGHT. I managed to get 2 of the normal ones loose, but the one with the lock on it, I just COULD NOT get loose. The lock caused it to protrude so much that I couldn’t get a good amount of leverage to loosen it up. I tried and tried, and cursed my wimpy girl arms with their wimpy girl muscles. I cursed anew at all those male muscled men who drove by without even stopping to see if the woman flailing along at the lug wrench might need a helping muscled hand.

Finally, I kicked in the towel. Went and sat in the driver’s seat (which you should’nt do, if you’re in the middle of changing a flat tire. Ahem. Never get into the car until it’s lowered again), turned on the engine and sat in blissful cold air conditioned air while I called USAA to invoke my priviledges of their roadside assistance. They got someone on their speedy way.. it’d take an hour. So of course, first thing I did was to hop out and take pictures of everything. Then I called work. then I continued to curse everyone who was passing me by and not stopping. I SAW you looking over, and then when I looked at you, you quickly turned and looked straight ahead. Don’t make eye contact, because if you do, I might become an actual PERSON in your mind and you might actually feel GUILTY for IGNORING ME. Fuckers.

I don’t like giving up. I’m a very proud girl, and admitting that I Can’t Do something is Not Fun. But I had to. I had to admit defeat. The ironic thing was, I was CALLING FOR HELP when about 149 people had passed by me, and probably half of them were men with nature had given more testosterone to than I, and therefore had man muscles that could probably wrench off that damn nut. But no. I had to admit defeat and wait an hour. Fuck you too.

But then, there was light. My salvation came. A car drove up at the house I was parked across from, and as the man was heading to the front door, he saw me and came over to see if I needed any help.

And I wasn’t too proud to say, Yes! I do! I need these lug nuts loosed! I would be glad to make use of your man muscles and hand over the lug wrench! And he was very helpful and used his big man muscles to loosen them (to give my small girl muscles credit, he did strain quite a bit. I didn’t feel so wimpy then), and then together we put on the tire and lug nuts, and he lowered the jack while I phoned up USAA and told them never mind.

I thanked him profusely, and he humbly said your welcome and went into his house, and then I tossed all my various crap that’d I’d tossed out on the side of the road (flat tire, car seat, car seat under thingee, my shoes, my truck manual, jack, jack crank, lug lock, lug wrench) back in the truck and headed home for a shower and a morning of working from home.

That afternoon, I spent 2.5 hours at our auto shop waiting while my oil got changed and my tires (the front one also had a slow leak) got plugged.

Here is a picture of my feet in the waiting room of the car shop:

Polish applied with the aid of Jocelyn and Ethan.

The moral of the story? Don’t assume people have it covered. Pull over and fucking ask if they need some help. Even if they don’t, I bet the gesture I bet the gesture will be appreciated.

And also? You’re on the highway. there’s a bit of a gap ahead of you. Someone puts on their blinker to change into your lane.. QUIT SPEEDING UP TO CLOSE THE GAP AND PREVENT LANE CHANGING. That’s just damn rude and I am SICK of it.

The world just needs to watch it, or I am going to have to put the smack down.

UPDATE: I have already had a few people tell me that I am supposed to loosen the lug nuts BEFORE jacking up the car, for stability, safety, and more ease of loosening the nuts. THANKS! and I will keep that in mind for next time.

Also, while I will definitely take precautions for my own safety when stopping to see if folks need help, (not stopping in isolated areas, staying in my car and offering to call for help, etc.) I will still stop to help people. I have to assume folks are good, rather than live my life assuming the worst. But, I will do so in a cautious, safe-as-can-be manner. Also — there was NOTHING unsafe about where I was, with the million of people driving by, no one would have been in ANY danger stopping to help ME.

I have been trying to steer away from the Little People CD we own of adults putting on cutesy voices to sound like children and singing the ABC song and Twinkle Twinkle, and well, you get the idea. I hate it with ever fiber of my being.

They Might Be Giants‘ kids album, NO! is always a hit, and it is a cd that doesn’t make me want to gouge my eyes out with a shrimp fork, but after a few zillion times, I get sick of even TMBG. (I also highly recommend their DVD, Here Come the ABCs)
Ethan has a few songs that he quite likes, one of them being Proud Mary although he and Jocelyn call it “Rolling on the River, Mommy, play Rolling on the River!” I play them an a capella version from an college compilation CD called, “Acapellagram” that a bunch of folks contributed to during my years at BYU. The Creedence Clearwater Revival version is liked, but not as well.

Early Beatles has been met with rave reviews, Yellow Submarine being a special favorite, as well as Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Fixing a Hole, and With a Little Help from my Friends.

Lady, by Lenny Kravitz is an old time favorite – every since we saw Sarah Jessica Parker dancing around in that Gap commercial, which Ethan dubbed, “The YEOW! Song! Play the YEOW song!” because in the chorus Lenny “YEEEEOW”s and it totally cracks him up. Jocelyn was just a baby then, and we used to dance around and sing it to her. My little lady!

Also a hit: The Distance, by Cake – the car theme totally gets Ethan. He will listen intently and then exclaim, “The starting line! Engines, mommy!” and “Empty tank! That’s a fuel tank!” When I play a song he really likes, he will want to hear it again and again, over and over until he knows all the words.

They both like Breakaway, and Since U Been Gone, by Kelly Clarkson, as well as Happy Boys and Girls by Aqua (of the I’m a Barbie Girl otherwise obscure band fame – what can I say, I love cheery techno). You can’t say I’m not about variety!

They also like Perry Como‘s Papa Loves Mambo.

And The Wonder Stuff covering Indigo Girls’ Closer to Fine (it was a b-side to the “Happy Now EP).

I’m saying ‘they’ but mostly the reviews are from Ethan. When asked, Jocelyn always always always asks for, “The Railroad Song, mommy, the Railroad song.” and I sigh and put on those atrocious Little People and their pedantic I’ve been working on the railroad.

And then I sing about Dinah as loud as I can, because the best audience in the world? Toddlers, baby. Toddlers.

There is a sad lack of U2, Indigo Girls, Ben Harper and Toad the Wet Sprocket, which I need to remedy. I also need to refurbish my collection with my missing non-children TMBG albums (holy &*#$ where did they all GO?!? Where are you FLOOD??) and I think it’s past time to own some Sheryl Crow.

any other suggestions?

-amy, whose hands are freakin’ freezing right now.

The Indigo Girls concert was incredible.

Things I would do differently:

Bring someone. I had fun, but I would have had more fun sharing the experience with a friend.

Come earlier. The two sections where you could actually see the stage were filled when I arrived at about 7pm. The side sections were still empty, and I spotted a place underneath an overhang, near the back by some columns that might let me still see the girls so I headed there. If I leaned to the left, I could see Amy, and if I leaned to the right, I could see Emily. My back was against the support, which meant I could use my lawn chair and not block anyone, but it also meant that the sound bounced back and reverberated in a weird way for the opening act. It was ok for the girls though.

There was a cute lovesick hipster couple on my right that only brought themselves and some towels to sit/lay on. They were so cute and tanned and shmoopy, but not in an annoying sleazy way, just in that, “we’ve finally slept together and now we TRY to keep our hands to ourselves, but back here in this little private corner, we fail” way, that I just wanted to put them in my purse and take them home with me like my own personal lifesize dolls.

On the left was a very friendly lesbian couple that offered me so much of their food and booze I began to fear that they were actually trying to slip me a roofey* so they could take me back to their den of lesbian iniquity and have their way with me. Which might not have been so bad. One of them had a bad headache halfway through and they had to leave.

*I have no idea how to spell this. I just revealed my own naivete with the mispelling, didn’t i?

At times, I was surrounded by a crowd of people who were talking loudly/ standing up / trying to get to the loo / trying to smoke their cigarettes/ cigars* w/out getting caught, ignorant of the girls playing their guts out down on the stage. At other times it was easy to blot out everything around me and just swim around in the music until I got all pruney. At times it seemed like everyone present was one big family, united by music (someone gave me a cupcake on the way out, and someone else held my chair while I hopped down from the lawn, damn you heeled sandals!) but at other times, the everyday unconcern for strangers was apparent – most evident in The Driving Away From The Music Venue where everyone adopts the “I’m Out For Me and If I Don’t Make Eye Contact Then That Means I Don’t Have To Let Your Car In Front Of Me” attitude. Kind of a sucky end to the musical high.

* You know, I can handle cigarette smoke. Even when you’re SUPPOSED to go off the lawn to smoke, I can deal. But cigars?!! Come on. That shit STANKS.

They opened with Closer to Fine, and they did Galileo as their final encore. There was lots of songs in between. They did four of their new songs (album out in September). I had heard 2 of them on the Amazon Fishbowl show (it’s the one with Kevin Smith) and cried a little during the last new one of Emily’s. All I can remember of the lyrics is an ethereal theme. Something about being a ghost, and how I want to lay my head down on you, because you’re solid. Boy am I mangling that one, it was beautiful and I can’t wait to own the cd and listen to it over and over.

I really enjoyed Wolf Trap. It would be great to get tickets to a show and go with James and make a real evening of it with a packed dinner with plenty of booze under the stars listening to great music. It would have been a lot easier to forget the crowd. But still, it was a wonderful night.

I’m heading to the Indigo Girls Concert tonight at Wolf Trap all by myself. I bought my ticket from someone off of craigslist, because lawn seats are sold out. I think this will be the third IG concert I’ve been to by myself. The last one was in Arkansas, I was living in Atlanta and I hopped in my car and drove over to see them on a college campus. I had a blast.

The first time was when they were playing in Park City and I was attending BYU in Provo, UT. I waffled long and hard and didn’t have money, and then the evening of the concert, I decided I was GOING dammit, and hopped in my car and went. Bought someone’s extra ticket at the door, went in, stood on my chair and boogied all night long.

So this will be time #3. I’ve never been to Wolf Trap, and I haven’t been to a concert in ages.. probably around 8 years now. So I’m long due for some live music appreciation.

It’ll just be me and the girls.

And about 10,000 other people.

UPDATE: I’ve started an actual page that I keep updated so check it out!

---

I love listening to the Dawn and Drew Show. James turned me on to it, and it was the first podshow I ever listened to. Once I decided that it rocked, I went to their website and started listening from SHOW #1. (Yes. That’s a lot of shows.) They have a comment line for leaving audio comments, and then they play some at the end of every show, and *cough* I usually call them.. a lot. What can I say. I AM A PARTICIPATER. I like to PARTICIPATE.

So I’ve decided to keep track of the comments I’ve made.

show #382: 31:20
I comment on the Roncat intro played in show 373 and the little bit at the end that Drew edited out.
show #378: 24:41 AND 27:48
I called in and rambled on about something, but I don’t even remember what it was. What I do remember, is being freaked out that there was a new message on their comment line, and I said something about that, including, “to hear this kooky new message, call…” Drew clipped that part out, and I was the audio comments intro! Then later, they play my little tidbit of knowledge about how a child is legitimate vs. illegitimate. I have to say, I pretty much sound like a big dork.

show #374: 5:30ish
I’m not on the show, but I’m pretty sure they are talking about me. I called in and told Dawn that I was worried about her and Katie and their relationship, and Dawn says it was a sweet message that folks are worried about her and Katie. Of course, it could be some other stalker-fan and but I just really think she was refering to me. I rambled on a good bit, and I really WAS worried!

show #354: 26:24 – 07.07.2006
I talk about the movie “CARS” and how much Ethan loved it and then tell them about my brainwashing project.

show #353: 25:23 – 07.07.2006
I pretend like the comment line is an answering maching (“PICK UP!”) and chew Drew out for not playing the background music that is usually playing during the audio comments.

show #335: 24:48 – 06.08.2006
I give a suggestion to the lesbian who’s girlfriend loves anal.

show #333: 26: 26:20 – 06.07.2006
I tell them my dirty secret about the comment line.

show #330: 15:36 – 05.31.2006
I tell Dawn and Drew how according to them, I really call my children ‘bitch’ – This wasn’t played in the audio comments, but played in the middle of the show

show #324: 24:20 – 05.24.2006
I sing an audio comment intro. It’s pretty dumb, but I LOVE IT!

There are more, I need to track them down though so I can make a note of them, so I’ll update this as time goes on and have some time to listen to old shows.

ones i know of and need to figure out what show they were on:

audio comment intro: “once there was a girl on a bus…”

audio advice question for “Ask Dawn” – I asked what I should use for Jocelyn’s girly bits in potty training. There was a lot of followup for many shows afterward.

audio comment: I tell Dawn that she bugs me every time she incorrectly uses the term “Literally…” (SHUDDER – i just HATE that. The word is not to be used for mere EMPHASIS PEOPLE!) (Dawn and Drew have gotten much better *grin*)
Embarassingly, there are more. I have an addiction. It’s name… IS DAWN AND DREW.

I think my brain is broken.

OR.. (and I like this one better, so I’ll use IT INSTEAD) my purse contains a magical portal into NARNIA or MAYBE the BERMUDA TRIANGLE!

Tuesday, we took Jocelyn to the urgent care doctor (oh yeah, she was sick Monday) to check her out for any infections. I remember SPECIFICALLY taking my keys and putting them in my pocket, even though I didn’t really need them because we were all going and James was driving. I took them anyway. Later, I remember slipping them into the outside pocket of my purse, which is where I always put them if they’re not on the hook by the garage door, or in my pocket.

Later, they were NOT in the outside pocket of my purse. They were not in my purse at all. They were not ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND. And did I find this out at an opportune moment? A moment where I could have snagged James’ copy of my car key off of his keys? Of course not.

No, I discovered this at the worst possible moment. Wednesday morning, which is also known as splash day, (or in our house, it’s known as, “SPLASH DAY IT’S SPLASH DAY YAY TODAY IS SPLASH DAY!”) because the kids wear their swimming suits to school for, you guessed it, splashing and water fun.

It wasn’t just any splash day. It was also the day that James went to the hospital for a simple procedure. Simple, because it’s in and out, wham bam, he’s done, and he even stays semi conscious for it (conscious enough to follow orders, not conscious enough to remember it afterward) but not so simple that he can drive home or work that day.

So it is up to me to be at the hospital to drive him home. It is also up to me to drive the kids to school (SPLASH DAY IT’S SPLASH DAY!), because James has to be at the hospital earlier than is possible to get the kids ready to go. So James has left (WITH HIS SET OF KEYS AND THE ONLY SPARE TO MY TRUCK) and I have finally managed to get swimming suits on, swimming shoes on, spare clothes packed into bags, don’t forget the shoes and socks, oh yes, they will need towels, and what’s that? what’s that you say? breakfast? you mean I have to FEED THESE CHILDREN? oh, and drinks – let’s not let them dehydrate, I REMEMBERED EVERYTHING, PEOPLE. So I finally had it together and was ready to haul all the crap out to the car, when I remembered.

Oh shit. I don’t know where my keys are.

I thought they must be in a pocket somewhere. Whenever my keys go missing, they turn up in a pocket of something I wore previously. So I ran upstairs, heart pounding, trying not to think about what happens if I can’t find them, searching for ANYTHING I wore in the past 2 days, checking the pockets. I looked on the bed, on the ironing board that is set up in a semi-permanent state near our closet, I looked in the bathroom, I looked in the kids bathroom, I even checked the dryer in case that banging I heard wasn’t actually the rocks Ethan likes to put in his pockets and were in actuality, my keys – nope, they were rocks. Note to self: talk to Ethan about putting rocks in his pocket. Second note to self: check pockets before tossing Ethan’s clothes in the wash. Note to self: FOCUS YOU’VE GOT TO FIND YOUR FUCKING KEYS!

I went out to my truck to check out there. I looked on the floor, the middle compartment, I checked under the seats, I looked everywhere, in case they had fallen out of my purse somehow.

Finally it was full on panic. I went back inside. I got the phone. I stared at it, trying to figure out WHO I was going to call. I am not on super good terms with my neighbors with kids. Sure, good enough to borrow a cup of sugar, but “Hi, I’ve lost my keys and I need to borrow your car so I can take my kids to school and pick up my sedated husband from the hospital” — what kind of terms did you have to be on for THAT phone call? I WOULD GUESS PRETTY GOOD TERMS. Honestly, it’s sad, as I realized that all the folks that I was on THAT good of terms with live too far away for that sort of phone call.

So now I am panicked AND feeling like a friendless loser. I’m going to go have a heart attack AND EAT WORMS.
As a last resort, I took my purse and determined to dump it out and really make sure they weren’t in there. Perhaps Tumnus the Faun had grown bored with them by then and had tossed them back through the “Pocket Portal to and from Narnia” because after I turned the purse upside down and shook REALLY hard, out they came.

I have never been so happy in my life. I didn’t have to be better friends with my neighbors! I could continue to be a friendless loser! I HAD FOUND MY CAR KEYS!

But my malicious purse had not done it’s last deed.

Later that night, after the kids were in bed, I wanted to update my iPod with some tv shows, so I went to get it from the car. My ipod is always either in the car, or in my purse. I checked my purse and didn’t find it, so then I proceeded to rip my car about in the search. My heart was beating fast, my palms were getting all cold and sweaty, I was going to have to go inside and tell James I had lost or had stolen, my $400 ipod and he was going to chew me out something proper – I have a bit of a reputation for losing my wallet. I usually REALLY lose it (read: Leave it someplace very inconvenient, like the bathroom of Costco, and can’t find it for over 12 hours) about once a year, and of course then I casually lose it (read: leave it somewhere in the car, house or office and can’t find it for a few hours) so often that my wallet losing abilities have staggered scientists and theologians alike. James is always pretty pissed off when I do my i’ve-lost-my-wallet bit, so I knew the feedback from the i’ve-lost-my-ipod bit would NOT be pretty. Seriously, my stomach was churning when I came back inside, determined to SEARCH my purse thoroughly because dammit the damn thing has to be SOMEWHERE and it SHOULD be in my purse.

And sure enough. The stranded pilot trapped in the Bermuda Triangle must have listened to it until the battery ran out and tossed it back through the MAGICAL PORTAL OF THE PURSE OF AMY’S DEMISE VIA HEART ATTACK, since it reappeared in my purse on my second, very careful search of the Purse Of Destiny.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! Or as my dad would say, “Scrud.”

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy a new purse and make a copy of my car keys so that I can just sit in my house listening to my iPod and not have to talk to anyone in my neighborhood ever again.